Every Thursday, I meet with an older woman from our church. Outside of our unity in Christ, she and I are about as opposite from one another as two people can be. I’m type A and really into control; she goes with the flow. My daughter is in public school; she homeschooled all five of her children. She’s imaginative and creative; I’m efficient. When we spend time together, I’m always struck by how differently our minds think. She challenges me in my theological positions and she helps me to see needs in our church that I often don’t notice. Needless to say, our time together is always fruitful. I cherish her input because she understands things in a way that I don’t. Our differences are an instrument of iron to sharpen me in my walk with Christ.
In the church, we have the opportunity to rub shoulders with people who are different from us every single Sunday. We’re surrounded by people who look, act, and live differently than we do, yet, we’re united in Christ as his Body. Just as Paul describes us as different members of the same Body, fingers and toes are different from eyes and ears. We need all of our members to be functioning in order to have a healthy Body. We love this idea in theory, yet in practice, we can tend to avoid those who may challenge our positions or see our weaknesses. I know that there is a distinct temptation and even encouragement in our culture to avoid people that are difficult. But in the church, there is no such thing as ending a friendship that isn’t “serving us.” In the church, God has sovereignly given us people that may be different and even difficult for us for the purpose of our good and God’s glory.1 We don’t end relationships because we’ve deemed someone in our lives as “toxic.” In Christ’s body, this is not the way we relate to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We don’t “cancel” someone because they have sinned against us. Cancel culture is the opposite of the command Christ gave to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39) and to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). Our disposition toward our brothers and sisters should be of overlooking offenses rather than looking for reasons to ignore or avoid someone.
In Paul’s instructions for the church, it is obvious that he anticipated that relationships would encounter conflict.2 In fact, he was busy giving instructions for conflicts that were already occurring in the early church.3 When sinful humans spend time together, there’s sure to be struggles. Our culture’s response to difficult relationships should not be our response in the church. Rather than dumping, ignoring, or blocking those that may be different or complicated for us to relate to, we’re called to endure in love, covering offenses, forgiving one another, and seeking unity for the sake of loving Christ, our head.
My friend that I meet with Thursday mornings is a treasure. She is not a friend that requires bearing with, but she is a friend that challenges me. When she is around, I have to think harder about how I’m serving the church and how I’m loving my children. But this is what believers should be for one another. Even our very best friends should be people that challenge us to grow in Christ. Whether our growth is happening through mutual sharpening or because the relationship may be difficult, God has called us to engage with our church for mutual upbuilding and to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our goal should always be to love those that are different from us because of God’s command to do so and because it is for our mutual good!
One of the best parts about the church is that we’re unified, not uniformed. We’re vastly different from one another yet we get an opportunity to enjoy the benefits of serving and being served by those that we may not have known otherwise. The diversity of our churches is a gift from the Lord to be stewarded and enjoyed. As we consider our responsibility to the different members of our churches, let’s remember Christ’s call to love our neighbors as ourselves. We desire to be loved despite our faults, annoyances, or insufficiencies and Christ loves us in the face of all our ugliness. We have the opportunity to be the image of our Creator when we love people that are difficult for us. It is a privilege to get the chance to love like Jesus. What a testimony to the goodness of God that we don’t fall into the culture’s influence to abandon ship when relationships get hard. The church is a beacon of long suffering to a culture that sees relationships as expendable. May we present this beauty of the gospel which exemplifies unity in diversity.
It can be intimidating to try to make new friends. This is especially true when you know that friend may disagree with you. The church body provides ample opportunities to meet and connect with people in a way that lessens the initial awkwardness that can accompany meeting someone new. A church potluck or event is a great time to approach someone who you may not know and begin to bridge the gap of friendship. It’s a wonderful launch point for inviting someone out to coffee or over for a playdate with your kids. When we do the work of strengthening unity in our churches by spending time with people we may not be immediately drawn to, we are honoring our Head by tending to the Body.
When we have friendships that begin to be difficult whether that is due to sin or differences of opinions, it is important to bring those things to light. It is much easier to let the friendship dwindle or to grow calloused but God calls us to unity and intimacy in the church. This means that we must have hard conversations. I think this is especially applicable following a major national event like an election. Division should not be a descriptor of the church as it is in our larger culture, but unity requires uncomfortability. Gracious words, seasoned with salt are convincing, loving, and unifying. Even if you feel like the other person doesn’t deserve it, we should be the peacemakers in our friendships. The Lord is honored when we love one another. After all, he has looked over far more offenses in us than we ever will in our friends. We look like Christ when we bear with one another for the sake of his glorious name and his beautiful Bride.
Footnotes:
1 This does not include instances of abuse or relationships that do harm. This concept is speaking of God’s call for us to endure with one another in love, to long suffer, and to have unity. There are times it is right to end a relationship but I would argue it is much less than what actually occurs in Christian churches.
2 Romans 2; Colossians 3; Philippians 2.
3 Philippians 4:2-3.
Photo Credit: Jaymi Nichole
Haylee is a wife, mother of two, and faithful church member. She is also pursuing an M.Div from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Haylee is most passionate about Bible literacy and biblical theology. She recently authored her first book, God of Forever,with Hosanna Revival. You can find more of Haylee on Instagram at @hayleejwilliams.
