You know that one person in your small group who never stops talking? Or the one who always thinks he’s right about everything? Or even the one who never says anything and you can’t help but wonder, “What is she even doing here?”
Such is the joy of being a part of a church small group—they always seems to be full of people who wouldn’t naturally cross paths. Yet whether it’s due to convenience, shared schedules, a friend’s invitation, or even loneliness, somehow we all found ourselves here together. It’s a wonderful thing that we get to investigate the Scriptures together and share what we need prayer for that week, but what if we’re not even friends with the person we’re pouring our hearts out to?
As someone who has been a part of many different small groups in some of the most diverse cities in the world, I repeatedly find myself wrestling with this. I expect to make friends through small groups (especially after I’ve just moved to a new city) only to find out that I don’t really get along or “vibe” with many of those anticipated friends.
One of the passages that keeps coming to mind as I think about this is Matthew 10, whereMatthew lists out the twelve disciples of Jesus. Verses 1–4 say,
And [Jesus] called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction. The names of the twelve apostles are these: first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.
In this hodgepodge group, we have a tax collector, a doubter, a revolutionary, a thief, a few fishermen, and others who we know very little about. What do you think Matthew, a tax collector with a reputation for being corrupt and traitorous, and Andrew, a fisherman known for being relatively modest and hardworking, talked about when they hung out together? Can’t you just imagine the other disciples being annoyed whenever James and John repeatedly argued over which one of them was the best (Mark 9:33; Luke 22:24)?
However, these were the twelve men Jesus gathered together to be a part of his “small group” and inner circle. These were the people Jesus gave miraculous healing powers and abilities to cast out unclean spirits.. These ordinary misfits were the ones Jesus entrusted with extraordinary gifts to proclaim to the world the Savior King.
And that’s the point. Jesus didn’t summon his disciples together because he knew they would get along or because their personalities perfectly complemented each other’s. Jesus called them together to be his hands and feet in the world—so that they can “cast [out unclean spirits]” and “heal every disease and every affliction” (Matthew 10:1).
What if we thought about our small groups like this? What if we saw them not first and foremost as somewhere we can make new friends but somewhere we can join forces with those who are willing to pursue a higher calling? Somewhere we can practice faithfulness and obedience together?
We may never fully understand why that one guy keeps complaining about work or why that one girl always tries to crack jokes that aren’t that funny, but that’s not the reason we gathered in the first place. Somehow, we have each committed to freeing our schedules for the night in order to meet with each other and grow in the gospel, and that’s enough. Because of our shared commitment to the Lord, we can trust that he will somehow use our quirky little group to be a beacon of light to our surrounding community (Matthew 5:14–16). And personally, I can testify to the reality that as we seek the Lord together, friendship might overflow as a gift. But even if it doesn’t, we still know that we’re united through the common blood of Jesus and that he is doing good things in each of us.
The parable of the banquet is a beautiful picture of what the kingdom of Heaven will be like:
But he said to him, “A man once gave a great banquet and invited many. And at the time for the banquet he sent his servant to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’ But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a field, and I must go out and see it. Please have me excused.’ And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to examine them. Please have me excused.’ And another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’ So the servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house became angry and said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame.’ And the servant said, ‘Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.’ And the master said to the servant, ‘Go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet.’”
Luke 14:16–24
These are the types of guests we will see at the table. They may not be cool, they may not be wealthy, and they’re probably not “your type,” because those people have already declined the initial invitation. The only common thread amongst “the poor and crippled and blind and lame” is that they were all invited, and they all decided to come.
It’s okay to acknowledge that you might not naturally get along with someone. God’s creativity shines through all the different personalities that exist in the world, and your personality may not mesh flawlessly with all the others. However, I would like to hope that the higher commonality of being a child of Christ is enough to encourage us to love even those who we don’t necessarily see eye to eye with.
John 13:34–35 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Reflection
God is using our love for each other for the higher purpose of showing a broken world what Christlike love looks like. In what ways do you see God using the people he’s brought into your life to bring himself glory? Practically, what does it look like for you to love those around you, not because they’re worthy of your love, but simply because they are human beings made in God’s image?
Photo credit: Emilee Carpenter
Kelley Lee lives in New York City with her husband. After working in college ministry in the Northeast for a few years, she’s now pursuing a graduate degree in clinical psychology. She’s passionate about getting to know people, traveling and exploring new places, hospitality, seeking beautiful things and helping shine a little bit of light in dark places.
