I never thought about the concept of “learning to listen” until I gave birth to a child who couldn’t hear.
If you’ve read any of my writing before, you likely know about my son who was born deaf. In his fourteen months of life, he has introduced our family to a whole new world—sign language, empathy for people different from us, gratitude for our healthcare options, and so much more.
This past September, he underwent surgery to receive cochlear implants, which have enabled him to hear sound. One thing we had to learn about cochlear implants is that they’re not like glasses. People often describe that “aha!” moment when they put on glasses for the first time and can distinguish the individual leaves on a tree or read road signs from further away. But it’s not so instantaneous with cochlear implants. For a baby whose world had been silent since the womb, activating his cochlear implants didn’t mean he could suddenly hear perfectly. Rather, he had to learn to listen.
Both of my boys have taught me so much about God, but one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through our parenting journey thus far is this: listening is a skill that has to be learned. And I’ve come to realize that’s true about the voice of God too.
There have been seasons in my life when I felt very tuned in to the voice of God—when I clearly sensed his guidance, presence, and direction. Then there have been times when I didn’t hear or feel anything—when I prayed and prayed and seemingly did not get a response. In those moments, I wanted to shout, “Why are you silent? Where are you?” But I’m starting to realize that maybe the better question to ask in those moments of perceived silence is, “Why am I not able to hear you?” Perhaps the better prayer to pray in those moments is, “Teach me to listen.”
I love when God uses ordinary experiences in our lives to teach us. These are some of the parallels from my son’s journey in learning to listen that I try to remember in the moments when God seems silent.
- Listening to the voice of God takes practice.
Every week, we take our son to speech therapy, where he practices listening, imitating new sounds, and learning new vowels and words. Every few months, we take him for mapping appointments, where they test what sounds he’s hearing and adjust his implant levels if needed. Every day, we input tons of sounds, words, explanations, and signs into his little brain. I basically talk and sign nonstop now, trying to give him access to as much language as possible. It’s both incredibly fascinating and so much work.
I often don’t take the time to listen to God. I say a quick prayer, and if I don’t feel anything, I move on. I ask for wisdom, and if I still feel confused, I get frustrated. I ask for guidance, and if I still don’t have clarity on what to do, I charge ahead anyway. But as with any skill, listening to God takes time and trust. It takes practice and patience. It takes paying attention to the details and a willingness to slow down and pause before plunging ahead.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. I’ve become a fan of saying breath prayers before reacting to hard situations, be it a screaming toddler or a frustrating email. Even something as simple as “Give me patience” or “Jesus, I need you” can help us make space for the voice of God to inform our response. And the beautiful thing is, the more we practice listening to God, the more natural it becomes. Over time, it feels less like work and more like a way of life.
- Background noise makes an impact.
One consistent thing we’ve heard from people with cochlear implants is that noisy places are hard listening environments. When there is a lot of background noise, music, or side conversations, it’s difficult to filter through the noise and discern what to focus on. Likewise, I’ve found that too many voices can detract from the voice of God. When I turn to social media, the internet, or even my friends and family for input, those opinions and voices can often drown out God’s voice.
It’s not always bad to turn to others for advice—God can use them to speak to us too. But if we only ever hear God through the conduit of others, we’re missing out on the gift of a personal God who wants to speak directly to us. We have to learn to filter through the noise, silence the distractions, quiet our minds, and choose to tune in to the creator of the universe and what he has to say to us.
Perhaps the best response to feeling like God is silent is to become silent ourselves—to be still, quiet our anxious minds and busy spirits, and discern if God really is being silent or if we just haven’t been paying attention. While I believe God does remain silent at times to teach and shape us, I think we’re more often too distracted to hear him in the first place.
- God might not always speak to us in the ways we expect.
One beautiful part of this past year has been learning American Sign Language and figuring out other ways to communicate with my son, aside from spoken language. When his implant processors are off, I get his attention by tapping his shoulder or waving my hand in front of his face. I focus on signing, exaggerated facial expressions, and eye contact. And I watch for his little cues that he’s listening—eye contact, furrowed eyebrows, fingers wiggling as he signs. It’s incredible to witness him listening without even hearing anything.
I don’t know about you, but I have never heard the audible voice of God. But he speaks to me in other ways. For a while, it was through music. Then, through nature. Now it’s through writing and my kids. Figuring out how God speaks to you—the areas in which you feel his presence—is essential in learning to listen to God. It could be through nature, worship music, reading the Bible, journaling, sitting in silence, or going for a drive. But know that God’s voice might not always sound how you expect it to. I love this passage from 1 Kings 19, where God is speaking to Elijah, as it challenges us to rethink the ways we expect to hear from God.
The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
1 Kings 19:11–12 NIV)
If God seems silent, we honestly just might be overthinking it. He doesn’t always speak to us through the obvious—the grand gestures, big miracles, lightning bolts, and fire. Sometimes it’s just a gentle whisper, a subtle tugging at your heart telling you, “This is the way; walk in it” (Isaiah 30:21 NIV).
- The more we listen to God, the more we recognize his voice.
My voice was the first voice my son started to turn toward. I remember the first time I was talking in another room, and he started to frantically look for me. He had learned to recognize my voice, despite not hearing it for the first nine months of his life. He knows my voice because he knows me. He was exposed to my voice more than any other—and as a result, he responded to it quicker than any other.
John 10 is one of my favorite Bible passages (and not just because it’s called “The Good Shepherd,” and my son’s name is Shepherd). But because it assures me that as I spend time with God, I will learn to recognize his voice. John 10:4 says, “The sheep follow him because they know his voice” (CSB). When you’re in true relationship with someone, you can’t help but learn to recognize their voice and turn to the sound of it. The closer we are to the Lord, the more we soak in his Word, and the longer we spend in his presence, the quicker we will learn to hear his voice in the ordinary occurrences of life.
While these four reminders have helped in the times when I felt like God was silent, the truth is there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to hearing from God. There’s no formula, no magic word, no insurance policy that says if you do X, Y, and Z you’ll hear from God in this way. But it’s not about generating a particular outcome––it’s about being in communion with our Father in heaven. It’s about learning to listen to him and yearning to hear from him.
We’ll still miss his voice sometimes. We’ll be too busy, too distracted, too stubborn to hear it. But that’s okay because while we might not always hear God perfectly, he always hears us. First John 5:14 says, “This is the confidence we have before him: If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us” (CSB).
If God seems silent, keep talking. Keep listening. And keep trusting that he is indeed the Good Shepherd who not only hears our prayers but knows what they are before we even say them.
Reflection Questions
- What are some of the distractions that keep you from listening to God? Write them down as well and pray through them, asking God to help you make space for his voice despite the obstacles and distractions.
- When was the last time you heard from God? Reflect on that situation—where were you? How did he speak to you? What do you feel like he was saying?
- What are the ways that God speaks to you? Write them down, and then as you go about your day, try to pay extra attention to those areas and see where he might be speaking to you—and where you might be missing his voice in the busyness.
Photo credit: Jenna Martin
Hannah Jessen Conway intentionally pursues themes of faith, motherhood, and mental health in her writing. She works in nonprofit marketing and is publishing her first children’s book in the fall of 2024, inspired by the birth of her deaf son. She’s a Jesus follower, wife to her college sweetheart, and mama of two boys. You can usually find her cheering on the Tar Heels, enjoying the North Carolina sunshine, or writing in a local coffee shop. Read more of her work at hjconway.com.
