Building a healthy spiritual family seemed straightforward when my children were young. They needed me to cuddle, feed, and make them feel loved, and I happily did those things. Despite the physical exhaustion of the early years, our lives had a predictable rhythm. There was a sense of order even in its chaos because I was in control. I controlled what went into their minds and hearts—the music, TV shows, books, and family traditions—all centered around deep spiritual practices that pointed to Christ.
But this phase of parenting isn’t God’s design for the family forever. God calls us to raise our children and teach them to follow him, not to control them throughout their lives. There comes a point where we must loosen our grip, teach more intentionally, and pray more fervently. The question then becomes: How do we continue to build a healthy spiritual family when we are no longer in complete control of their lives and schedules?
When Control Starts to Shift
Reflecting on my last 18 years of parenting, I can honestly say that my husband and I actively pursued God and did our best to create an environment where our children could do the same. Was our family perfect? Absolutely not! My children often tease me about my choices or how I tried to instill character in them when they were younger. But we tried our best and learned a lot of lessons along the way.
If we were sitting across the table with a cup of coffee and you asked, “When do you know your family is spiritually healthy?” I would share those lessons learned on my journey—a journey marked by fumbling through the challenges of parenting and constantly begging God to glorify his name within our household. As I begged God to reign in my house, he often responded by giving me creative ways to engage my kids’ hearts with the gospel.
Creative Faith Practices for Young Children
When my children were toddlers and preschoolers, we used every holiday to celebrate an aspect of the gospel story. For example, on Easter, we made a playdough tomb and placed a figurine of Jesus in it on Good Friday; when the children woke up on Sunday, Jesus had “disappeared,” and we celebrated his life. To help them understand the fruit of the Spirit, we talked about how God changes us as we let him and prayed for his help to show kindness to our siblings. Then, we planted grass seeds to represent each act of love and compassion God helped us do. As the grass grew, they could visually see how God grew us as we let him.
Our home also revolved around what God was teaching me from his Word. Whatever he taught me, I translated it into child-friendly activities for the day. We acted out Bible stories, sang silly songs about God at the top of our lungs, memorized verses, and colored pictures. Nothing felt disconnected or irrelevant because my children saw that God was actively teaching and transforming me, and I was simply passing it on to them.
The Power of a Spiritually Healthy Family
I believe that is the power of a spiritually healthy family: parents who know they need Jesus desperately rely on God’s strength daily, and use that strength to parent their children. Our families can’t be spiritually strong if we don’t have an active relationship with God.
When my kids were young, the house was always loud and messy. In this season, I was learning that God’s resurrection power wasn’t just for physical death but for renewing all aspects of life, even disastrous days that felt like failures! After one particularly long day filled with mistakes, I stood in the living room, exhausted, and cried out, “Lord, let your grace cover everything that happened today.”
At that moment, God reminded me, “It’s not up to you to create the perfect environment so your children can find Jesus and have no trauma. It’s up to me to draw their hearts and cover them with my grace.”
John 6:44 “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him…” This was a turning point—realizing that God ultimately controls my children’s faith, not me.
Learning to Release Control
When the kids became old enough to go to school, we chose homeschooling for the early elementary years. It was easy to continue centering our lives around God while homeschooling because I still controlled much of their environment—the curriculum, friendships, activities, and even the music played in our home. But there came a time when God asked me to let go. My grip over their hearts had to be released to create the space needed for God’s hands to take over.
When we think about building a healthy spiritual family, releasing control is often not at the top of our list. We tend to focus on things we can control—reading the Bible together, praying as a family, setting rules, and choosing what to watch. While these are all important, they are not the foundation of a Christ-centered home.
The Bible reminds us:
“Unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain; unless the Lord watches over a city, the watchman stays alert in vain.” —Psalm 127:1
If I could look you in the eyes, I would say, “One thing I wish I would have remembered more was that we completely depend on God to build our family on his foundation.”
The Trap of Worry
Mark 4:18-19 speaks to me often as a parent:
“These are the ones who hear the word, but the worries of this age, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.” (CSB)
I often fall into this trap. I hear the Word telling me to cast all my cares on God (1 Peter 5:7) and to always put my hope in him (Hosea 12:6), but then I turn around and place my hope in daily Bible studies, family prayers, or seeing immediate spiritual fruit in my children’s lives.
I worry they won’t love Jesus enough, or I haven’t led them correctly. I fear they might walk away from the faith or that I haven’t shown them God’s love well enough. I stress that my performance as a parent will dictate their future choices about faith. These worries choke my faith and make it unfruitful.
Dependence on God Is Key
The Bible instructs us to “cast our cares,” “seek first his kingdom,” and “put our hope only in God.”1 If these are true, building healthy spiritual families looks less like a list of Christian activities and more like living utterly dependent on God.
God has repeatedly taught me this lesson, prompting me to release control to him. As I give him control, he is faithful to step in and draw my children’s hearts to him, which is what we all desire—God’s hand fully grasping the hearts of our children.
Trusting God to Build Your Family
Creating a spiritually healthy family isn’t about perfect parenting or meticulous control. It’s about recognizing that our role is not to force or fabricate faith in our children but to foster an environment where God’s love and truth are present. It’s about modeling what it means to rely on God, demonstrating humility in our failures, and showing our children that faith is a journey of dependence, not perfection.
Ultimately, our family’s spiritual health is in God’s hands. We can trust him to draw our children’s hearts to himself, even when our efforts feel inadequate. Our calling is to remain faithful, keep praying, and continue living out our love for God in front of our kids.
So, take a deep breath, release the pressure to be perfect, and rest in the knowledge that God is in control. As we depend on him and listen to his guidance, he will build our families in his strength and for his glory—one imperfect day at a time.
Footnotes:
1 1 Peter 5:7, Matthew 6:33, Hosea 12:6 CSB
Photo Credit: Emilee Carpenter
Kari Minter is a pastor’s wife, an author, and a Bible teacher who is passionate about helping people cultivate a deeper walk with God. With over a decade of experience teaching in public schools and a Masters in Theological Studies, Kari is known for her deep theological insight delivered in a helpful and practical way. When she is not writing and teaching, you can find her supporting her three teenagers, planning outdoor adventures, or reading a good book.
