What is the weight you are carrying? The loss of a dream? A career? A family member?
Grief comes in many forms but can lead us down seemingly inescapable trenches. Controlled by a power that gives no warning of turns and drops, we try to hold on. One moment, we are sad, and the next, angry. So often, as Christians, we can almost feel a sense of guilt when we grieve. After all, does James 1:2-3 not exhort us to “Count it all joy…”? But does that mean it’s wrong to feel sad or broken? What do you do when your grief is too heavy…
Pummeled by Grief: 2023
Having just lost my job, home, and relationship in a particularly short span of time, the September air felt colder than usual. The crisp breeze swept through and took my hope with it. Wilting under varying emotions, I uttered the words to God: I give up. I can’t be strong anymore. I had been trying to be that brave, strong, super cheery Christian that always says, “for God’s glory!” when bad things happened. But at that moment, the mask I had tried so desperately to hold up shattered, revealing the depths of my core beliefs. What mask are you trying to wear?
Facing your Grief
There I was, stripped of everything I once clung to.
Why would God allow so much pain? So much loss? Can’t he take this sorrow away? I thought.
Do these words echo the conversations in your head too? When we face suffering, it becomes almost instinctual to blame God or doubt him altogether. But, if we never felt pain, we would never know God’s comfort. God gives us a greater peek into his character when we go through trials. Sometimes however, it can be challenging to feel or even know what God’s comfort looks like when we are grieving. And how can we receive comfort from God when he does not understand what we are going through?
But he does. God felt the most significant loss of all, separated from his perfect Son on the cross. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). God does know what pain feels like. He does know grief. God grieved so intensely that the heavens thundered and the ground shook. And because he understands our grief, he offers a transcendent comfort—a comfort rooted in relatability, wrapped in the loving whispers of his care for you.
Sitting in Grief
Author Vaneetha Rendall Risner lost her infant son, a marriage, and her health. Yet, she writes in her book, The Scars That Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us in Suffering: “Lamenting keeps us engaged with God. When we lament, we invite God into our pain so that we can know his comfort, and others can see that our faith is real” (Risner, 2016, p. 36).
We do not need to put a timer on ourselves to “move on.” Sometimes, when a new gust of grief hits, it knocks us off our feet. But only so that we can fall into the faithful hands of our heavenly Father.
Author of The Question of God, Armand Nicholi, writes, “As Lewis [C.S Lewis] looked back on his time of mourning, he realized that he made the process more difficult because he focused not on God, but on himself. He realized that God “has not been trying to experiment on my faith or my love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t’” (Nicholi, 2002, p. 203).
What if today you gave yourself the space and freedom to feel pain? What if instead of trying to rush through grief to fit the socially acceptable timetable in your head, you let yourself sit in the grief? What if you brought God into your grief and wept on his shoulders?
Reality of Grief
But maybe the idea of truly feeling your grief is too frightening to consider. Frustrated, sad, and with heavy hearts, we may feel like we are suffocating in our sorrow or petrified of what may happen if we allow ourselves to open the gates to our emotions. The story of Lazarus speaks directly to these concerns. After Martha learned of her brother’s passing, she spoke to Jesus saying, “‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died’” (John 11:32). Her remark might reflect our thoughts or conversations with God in times of loss. Reading this story, we tend to think about Jesus’ actions prior to Lazarus’ death. But, if we take a second to consider what Jesus did after receiving the news of loss, we find a hidden gem that may help us remove the barricades we have set around our hearts and minds.
Scripture says, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Although the shortest verse in the Bible, this statement has the power to penetrate our pulsating hearts. Jesus allowed himself to feel deep emotions. To feel the loss of his dear friend. But what is interesting to consider is that Jesus is 100% God. So he knew Lazarus would rise. And yet, Jesus took the time to mourn. If Jesus wept, even though he was fully aware of the future, how much more should we permit ourselves to mourn?
But may we not feel our emotions alone. Instead, let us follow Jesus’ example and invite our heavenly Father to sit with us. To mourn with us. To comfort us.
“And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, ‘Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me’” (John 11:41-42).
We invite God into our hearts when we first surrender our lives to him. So then why is it that when our hearts work the way he created, cascading ripples of emotions into countless crevasses of our lives, we separate God from our hearts? If he is truly king of your heart, and you are willing to acknowledge he can tend to the heart that he created better than you can, you may just be surprised by what you will discover.
Risner says, “Faith seems easier for those who have suffered. It is as though suffering is a strange sort of gift from God, a gift that we reluctantly receive and constantly want to give back. But it has extraordinary power to change us. It changes our outlook, our faith, our walk with God. When we have walked through trials, we are never the same again. Academic learning can be forgotten or discarded, but the lessons we learn from suffering are woven into the fabric of our being. They become part of us” (Risner, 2016, p. 158).
Comfort in Grief
The Lord sees you in your pain and extends his comfort through his presence and Word.
Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” He is near to the broken-hearted and upholds those he calls his own. He promises to never leave you; what a comfort this can be! Whatever loss you have felt, you can never lose the love, presence, and comfort of your heavenly Father.
In the agony and depths of grief you may be enduring, may you find comfort knowing God knows what grief feels like, extends his comforting promises and care to you, and will preserve and sustain you. So, today, whatever season of grief you are in, do not be afraid to fall at your Father’s feet and experience your loss through the lens of his love for you. I pray that he will bring warmth back into your life, igniting a fresh hope for your future as he mends the fragments of your heavy heart.
Footnotes:
1 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
2 Psalm 119:71
3 Psalm 139:1; Isaiah 53:5
4 Isaiah 53:3
5 Matthew 27:50-51; John 12:28-29
6 Isaiah 53:4
7 John 1:1-4
8 Psalm 56:8
9 Psalm 34:18; Isaiah 41:10
10 Deuteronomy 31:8
11 Romans 8:39
12 Psalm 97:10
Photo Credit: Jenna Martin
Rebekah grew up in Wilmington, Delaware but currently resides in Norfolk, Virginia. She has a B.A in Communications from Regent University and is pursuing a M.A in Journalism as well. Her love for writing began when she was very young. In elementary school, she used to write poems on the walls of her school desk!
Her work has been published on numerous platforms, and she hopes to publish her own book one day. In her free time, she loves playing piano and singing on the worship team at her church as well as going to the beach with her friends
