As I look back on my walk with Christ so far, I’m grateful for the ordinary testimony I have of being raised in a Christian family, where I was taught the Bible, the importance of baptism and Communion, and the value of spiritual disciplines. However, as I’ve grown in my faith, I’ve often felt that my prayer life feels performative, not like a conversation or relationship with God. Based on the conversations I’ve had, I know I’m not the only person that feels this way. How do we actually overcome the performative feeling of prayer and experience it relationally?
Whether you’re a new believer or have been walking with Christ your entire life, there’s always room to grow in our prayer life and experience it relationally, not performatively. As I’ve reflected on how prayer has felt performative in my own life, I’ve encountered a few foundational truths that have transformed my approach to prayer: God delights to hear from me, God welcomes prayer at all times and in all circumstances, and my prayer practices will change along with my season of life.
God Delights to Listen
Throughout Scripture, we’re reminded repeatedly that God delights to hear from his beloved people in prayer, as it is our primary means of communication with him. In Scripture, we see God’s people praying for the blessing of children (Genesis 25:21), pleading for his deliverance from slavery (Exodus 2:23), repenting from sin (Judges 3; Nehemiah 1:4–11), expressing gratitude for his blessings and provision (2 Samuel 7:18–29), and much more! The Psalms are filled with instances of the author pleading with God to hear his prayer (Psalm 4:1; 17:1) and expressing his gratitude to God for hearing those prayers (Psalm 6:9), spoken in the light of day and the quiet of night. Whether our prayers are filled with praise, adoration, requests, lament, thanksgiving, or questions, God delights to listen (Psalm 66:19).
When your prayers feel performative—when you’re reciting a set of words or making requests simply because that’s what you’ve been taught—remember that the God of the universe delights to listen to you! God doesn’t want a hurried set of repetitive prayers—he wants a relationship with you, and he takes joy in listening to the worries, requests, praises, fears, and thanksgiving you offer. When I remember that God delights to listen as my Savior, the way I approach prayer changes. It’s no longer a box to check off or a thing I do to make God happy with me. It’s communication and relationship with God who cares and delights to listen.
Pray in All Moments, Big and Small
In conversation with other believers, I’ve noticed that many people think their prayer life has to be restricted to a particular time of day or for a set amount of time. While having a set time for prayer isn’t a bad thing—in fact, it’s a wonderful spiritual discipline to have in our daily routine—it’s also important to remember that God delights to hear our prayers in all moments, both in the big and small ones.
Philippians 4:6 instructs us, “[D]o not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (ESV).
Similarly, following his discourse on the armor of God, the apostle Paul instructs believers to pray “at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:18 ESV).
First Thessalonians 5:17 instructs us to “pray without ceasing” (ESV).
No matter where you are or what you’re doing, make prayer a natural, regular part of your day. Pray in the car, driving to work or waiting in the pickup line at school. Pray in your kitchen, while making dinner or doing dishes. Pray at your desk, whether you’re about to enter a stressful meeting or are exhausted from the daily grind. Pray at the doctor’s office, waiting for the test results. Wherever you are, you can pray. God delights to listen to you, to the prayers you say in your mind, whisper under your breath, or speak out loud. Prayer isn’t to be relegated to one moment in the day; it is for every moment.
Changing Seasons, Changing Practices
Our seasons of life are constantly changing, and this impacts how we pray. Prayer can feel performative if our practices haven’t adjusted to our season of life. Some of us like to pray out loud, while others journal our prayers. Others pray silently, while others employ ancient prayers and liturgies to guide their time. Each of us has a way (or many ways) we like to pray, but what if the way we like to pray doesn’t fit with the season of life we’re in?
You might be a young mom with little ones to care for—the time you once had to journal your prayers is gone. As you focus on this season of life, what if your practices shifted to fit your season? Consider writing down one prayer request each day—or each week—and dedicating small moments (doing the dishes, folding laundry, cleaning) to pray for that request.
Maybe you’re a parent of older children or an empty nester with plenty of time on your hands. Your prayer time could shift from folding the laundry to being able to sit down, journal your prayers, or just pray for longer periods of time.
Instead of trying to make your current season of life fit your old prayer practices, allow your prayer habits to adapt to your season. As a busy graduate student, I find myself most inclined to pray in those in-between moments—silently, between classes, after a difficult work meeting, or while cleaning my apartment.
No matter your season of life or prayer practices, the truth remains the same: God delights to hear from you, in the big and small moments, in the lengthy prayers and in the prayers whispered in the car line, in the busy seasons and slow seasons of life. Dear friend, God delights to hear from you and have a relationship with you. Prayer isn’t a performance; it’s about a relationship with God.
Application Questions
- How can I adjust my prayer practices to fit my current season of life?
- What does my current prayer life look like? Am I approaching it as an item on a checklist, or as an opportunity for a relationship with God?
- Do I believe that God delights to hear my prayers, no matter how big or small?
- Where in my daily routine can I carve out time for prayer, even in small moments?
Photo credit: Emilee Carpenter
Leah Jolly is a graduate of Wheaton College where she studied international relations and Spanish. She lives in the Grand Rapids area with her husband, Logan, and is pursuing her MDiv at Calvin Theological Seminary. She attends Harvest OPC in Wyoming, Michigan. You can connect with Leah on Instagram and Substack.
