I’ve been rejected. The relationship mattered so much to me; I often went the extra mile, regularly showed genuine care in tangible ways, and listened intentionally to deepen our connection. Told my efforts weren’t good enough, I felt useless and discarded—like a brown banana peel.
How do you deal with rejection? How do you handle the brutality, the jarring hurt, the tsunami of emotion?
I reacted with shock, disbelief, and denial. “How can this be? Surely there must be some mistake or misunderstanding. This can’t be the end.” Then I became offended and angry. “How dare they blame me!” I pinpointed all the wrong on their part and cast myself as the victim. Within hours, I moved to the muck and mire of doubt and despair.
My thoughts became focused on me alone—my weaknesses, my inadequacies, my failures. I questioned God’s call on my life and doubted my ability to do what he asked of me. I felt like giving up, abandoning everything, and withdrawing from all other relationships to spare everyone the trouble of having to deal with such a failure as me.
It sounds melodramatic, but it was my first real rejection as a freelance writer. My client thought my style and skill set weren’t a good fit for them anymore.
It happens. Rejection is a normal part of the life of a writer.
Rejection is a normal part of most people’s lives at some point. Whether the rejection is related to a job, family, friendships, or any other type, it hurts.
Perplexed about how to deal with my rejection, I turned to Someone I know who’s been there.
“He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.”
Isaiah 53:3 (NLT)
This passage is about Jesus Christ. He knows what rejection feels like. His family and hometown asked him to leave (John 7:2-5; Matthew 13:55–57). His friends denied knowing him and one of them even betrayed him, leading to his death (Matthew 26). And as he hung on the cross, Jesus experienced what it feels like to be forsaken by God (Matthew 27:46), even though he was innocent.
The rest of Isaiah 53 describes the pain and suffering Jesus endured—oppression, affliction, torture, judgment, grief. But look at verse 11:
“When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins.”
Isaiah 53:11 (NLT)
Oh, what a life-changing Scripture that is!
Without Jesus’ death on the cross, our sinful nature automatically qualifies us for rejection by our holy God. The penalty for sin is death, and we’ve all sinned and fallen “short of God’s glorious standard” (Romans 6:23; 3:23; John 8:24 NLT). We’re unworthy of each breath God gives us.
“Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin… he makes sinners right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.”
Romans 3:24–26 (NLT)
The rejection Jesus experienced is the reason we have acceptance with God and can enjoy a relationship with him today. He took our sin upon himself so we could be forgiven, redeemed, and counted as righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Bask in this knowledge for a moment. He did this for you!
We can be rejected by people but loved and accepted by God—just like Jesus, who was “rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious” (1 Peter 2:4, emphasis added).
When we experience the sting of rejection, we can take time to process our emotions. Then, as we bring our hurt, doubt, and grief to God, we can shift our gaze from our experience of rejection to the gift of God’s acceptance.
When our primary goal is the approval of people, our lives are full of endless striving and continuous disappointment. We overcommit and overwork. When our identity is tied up in the acceptance of other people, we wear ourselves out trying to please everybody, because it’s an impossible goal.
These tendencies (overcommitment, overworking, etc.) are symptoms of a deeper issue. Without getting to the root of the issue, we’ll stay stuck in a continuous pattern of the same undesirable behavior. Genuine healing and transformation can happen when we explore what’s happening beneath the surface and diagnose the driving force behind our outward behavior. Why is the approval of others my primary goal? Why do I overcommit and overwork? Why is my identity tied up in the acceptance of other people? What’s lacking in me and how have my life experiences shaped me?
As we gain self-awareness, we can bring it all to God and allow the truth of his Word to heal us. When we choose to believe that he loves and accepts us even though we’re human and imperfect, our strivings cease. When we receive God’s gift of grace by faith and retrain ourselves to see our perceived failures through the lens of the gospel, we can live in peace and joy because the salvation of the Lord has nothing to do with our performance.
When we experience rejection because we fall short of someone else’s standard, we can shift from woundedness to worship as we remember our acceptance by God despite our weaknesses and because of the rejection of Jesus Christ.
After wrestling over the rejection by my client, I chose to rest in the grace and mercy of God. His acceptance is a gift to which I can only respond in humble gratitude. Now, I feel more like a welcome loaf of warm banana bread instead of an unwanted banana peel.
If you’re struggling to deal with rejection today, or if you want to go deeper than this article allows, I encourage you to read Isaiah 53, Psalm 27, Romans 5 and 1 Peter 2.
Photo Credit: @sarahbrossart
Jana Carlson is a writer, Bible teacher, and mentor. She creates resources and offers workshops to inspire women and writers to love the Bible, experience its transforming power for every season of life, and wield the Word for God’s glory. Connect with her atjanacarlson.com.
2 comments
Thank you for this fresh yet timeless perspective, Jana! Rejection is so hard, yet the fruit of Jesus’ rejection and ultimate victory is priceless.
Jana, helpful reminder that rejection is not unique to writers. it is a part of life. it is everywhere. when we experience it, we don’t need to see ourselves as victims. we can look at how Jesus handled rejection. thanks.