When You Don’t Know Where to Direct Your Negative Emotions

Sadness, sorrow, grief, anger, loneliness. When our negative emotions weigh heavy in our lives they can cause us to believe that these feelings are a far cry from a faithful woman. Our culture, and sometimes the church, leads us to believe that a faithful woman is full of hope, happiness and jubilee. We mask our feelings, we try to stuff them down, or we just look away from them, putting on the face of someone who feels better. But is that really better?

The truth about our emotions is that they are real—even the negative ones. The good news is that those negative emotions are not sinful. Each and every emotion we experience was given to us by a good God for a good purpose. When we have “negative” emotions we do not have to fear that we are wandering far from God. We can turn toward God when we find ourselves feeling these things, and allow him to be our comfort and our guide. We should always listen to our feelings, but we don’t always have to take their advice. Feelings are not an undesirable part of our faith journey, but they are often the beginning of something new God wants to teach us.

The Psalms show us every gamut of human emotion; joy, sadness, hope, fear, loneliness, anger, sorrow . . . the list could go on. But the Psalms also show us what to do with our emotions. We have the privilege to bring them before the God who made them so that he can form them. We can bring our emotions safely to the Lord and invite him to be Lord even over our emotions! When we bring our feelings before God we are saying “Lord, help me to shape and frame my feelings and my life around the truth of who you are and who you say I am.” The Psalms model this for us.

Sometimes the Psalms feel a little mysterious. They may feel like a place to come to read a short chapter or to find an inspirational quote, but even in its location in the Bible (smack dab in the middle) we can see that the Psalms are essential to our faith and central to the truth of who God is and how we are called to life with him. The Psalms tell us the whole story of Scripture—God’s great reality of creation, humanity, sin, and redemption. God tells us the truth about the world in the Law, the history of Israel, and the epistles, but he shows us what that reality looks like in the Psalms.

The writing of the Psalms spans about 1,100 years, as far back as Moses, who is attributed to the writing of Psalm 90, and as far forward 500 BC. It was collected in the format we have them in now during the Babylonian exile, which was a time when the people of God had lost everything. They had been captured, their temple had been destroyed, and they had been living as slaves and foreigners among people that did not know the One True, Living God. It was in this setting that the Spirit prompted God’s people to collect these songs into the first hymn book of the church. What their hearts and souls needed to find hope in the Lord during this time of suffering was these songs—these prayers! 

The reformers clung so near to the Psalms that they had daily readings their congregants were encouraged to attend so they could read through,  sing, or chant the Psalms so often that they were memorized by the entire congregation. In fact, in many denominations today you hear regular preaching and singing of the Psalms. If you have grown up in the American church, we have largely lost the practice of meditating on the Psalms. In our own minds, we sometimes consider parts of God’s Word more valuable than others, we teach  and study through epistles and Old Testament narratives much more often than the Psalms. This makes us outliers in the grand history of God’s people. It is interesting that in the American church there is this new movement that seems progressive, inviting us to true honesty and vulnerability before God. This movement seeks not to neglect our emotional life, but having a pulse on feelings in order to share them with one another and with the Lord. But in fact, this is not new or progressive, it is actually ancient, and it is how God intends for us to live. The psalms were the raw and naked emotions of God’s people, who lived their very lives, joy and sorrow, grief and gratitude, certainty and uncertainty, in communion with God and each other. The psalms were meant to be sung and prayed in community, not alone. Our emotions have a place at the throne of God and with one another, not hiding like Adam and Eve did in the garden, but coming boldly before the Lord by the blood of Christ! The Psalms show us what the Christian life looks like. 

Look at Psalm 6:

Be gracious to me, LORD, for I am weak;

heal me, LORD, for my bones are shaking;

my whole being is shaken with terror.

And you, LORD—how long?

Turn, LORD! Rescue me;

save me because of your faithful love.

For there is no remembrance of you in death;

who can thank you in Sheol?

I am weary from my groaning;

with my tears I dampen my bed

and drench my couch every night.

My eyes are swollen from grief;

they grow old because of all my enemies.

Depart from me, all evildoers,

for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping.

The LORD has heard my plea for help;

the LORD accepts my prayer. 

Psalm 6:2-9 CSB

Now look at Psalm 77:

I cry aloud to God,

aloud to God, and he will hear me.

I sought the Lord in my day of trouble.

My hands were continually lifted up

all night long;

I refused to be comforted.

I think of God; I groan;

I meditate; my spirit becomes weak.Selah

You have kept me from closing my eyes;

I am troubled and cannot speak.

I consider days of old,

years long past.

At night I remember my music;

I meditate in my heart, and my spirit ponders.

“Will the Lord reject forever

and never again show favor?

Has his faithful love ceased forever?

Is his promise at an end for all generations?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?” Selah 

Psalm 77:1-9 CSB

It is safe to say these psalms are not full of “positive” emotions, but they are full of the truth; not a sugar-coated, dolled-up version of the truth, but genuine emotions poured out in the place they belong—before the throne of God in prayer! Have you ever noticed that the Psalms seem to often take a turn? The psalmist pours out feelings with questions like “Where are you God?” or “How long, Oh Lord?” and then we come to the next verse: “God, your way is holy. What god is great like God? You are the God who works wonders; you revealed your strength among the peoples” (Psalm 77:13-14 CSB). It seems that just praying with raw emotion leads to  immediate healing. But this isn’t the case, dear sister, so do not be discouraged when you cry out to God and you still feel stuck. The Psalms were not written in minutes but in seasons. Many of them are reflections on days, weeks, or even years of sorrow and suffering, spending a lot of time with the Lord, and confessing the hard moments of life. Over time,  nearness to the Lord cracks open the larger truth—that in the end, the Lord is victorious and the sufferings of this world are momentary in the grand scheme of eternity.

When your emotions bubble up and feel too heavy to bear, I challenge you to turn to this book of songs written by people that faced this broken world just like we do. Let these psalms shape your prayers, challenge you to be honest before the Lord, and remind you of the truths of God. N.T. Wright wrote, “Scripture and essentially the book of Psalms is, at its heart, the great story that we sing in order not just to learn it with our heads, but to become a part of it through and through, the story that in turn becomes part of us . . . sing these songs, and they will renew you from head to toe, from heart to mind. Pray these poems, and they will sustain you on the long hard, but exhilarating road of Christian discipleship.”
Sisters, do not be afraid or ashamed of the emotions you are feeling. Instead, cry out to God and allow him to align your emotions with his truth, to comfort you by the Holy Spirit, and to be with you in your seasons of grief. Pray with a trusted friend, sharing your burdens with one another. Turn to the Psalms and use these very words to help you find your way. There is life for you, even in your sorrow, at the throne of God. Selah.

Photo Credit: Ashley Katherine

Brooke Malko

Brooke Malko is wife to Jon and a homeschooling momma to four kiddos. She also serves at her local church, Sojourn East, in Louisville, KY as the Women's Ministry Director. She enjoys reading, a good cup of coffee, and a long conversation with a friend. Brooke also loves to dig deep into God's Word, to know him as he is, and to be formed more and more into his image. She feels honored to have the opportunity to teach his Word alongside a wonderful team of women to the women of her church.

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