When I was in college, I kept index cards with prayer requests on the wall in front of my desk to help me remember to bring my needs and the needs of others to the Lord in prayer. One day, after graduating from college, I was sorting through some of my belongings when I found the stack of index cards in a folder. As I looked through the stack, I noticed cards with a large check mark through them, indicating that those prayers had been answered.
Then I came across a few prayers that still didn’t have a checkmark. I picked up one, marked an X through it and silently thanked God for the seemingly unanswered prayer.
Looking back, I remember feeling hopeless and frustrated about that prayer request. I was involved in a broken relationship that had ended, and I prayed that God would restore it. At that moment, I thought it was best for me—he was a Christian, involved in ministry, and it seemed like we had a lot in common. However, God did not want this relationship for me. He closed the doors that I desperately wanted to remain open.
Still, I’m so glad that I prayed this prayer regularly in college.
God’s answer to my prayer was not what I wanted or expected, but through prayer, I learned how to trust God with my needs and desires, my heart became more aligned to God’s will, and I discovered the beauty of God’s abundant love for me.
What Prayer Is and Isn’t
Many of us can recall praying fervently for a need or a desire, only to feel disappointed when God didn’t answer our prayer the way we hoped.
“What if we’re praying for a really good thing?”
“Why does God call us to pray when we can’t be certain he’ll answer our prayers the way we want?”
“Why should we pray if God already has a plan?”
These are all great questions. Scholars and theologians have dedicated their lives to finding good answers for them.
What I will say is this—prayer is simply communication with God. Through prayer, we grow closer to Christ. We learn his heart for us and create space to be transformed into people who look like Jesus.
Prayer is relational. Just as a relationship between a child and their parent grows through regular communication, prayer is a vehicle through which our relationship with God grows.
Prayer isn’t a checklist we bring to God, detailing all our needs and desires for the day, without stopping to simply be in God’s presence.
Nor is prayer about trying to change God’s will (though God is certainly moved by our prayers).
Prayer isn’t even about having all the right words or making sure to pray about all the right things.
At its most fundamental level, prayer is a conversation with a holy and loving God who longs to hear from us.
Why God Doesn’t Always Answer Our Prayers How We Expect
When dealing with unanswered prayers, I’ve learned to reframe the way that I see the entire situation. Instead of focusing on how God may not be answering a particular prayer how we hope he would, we can prioritize seeing God as our loving Father.
A good parent does not give their child something that will harm them or others. Sometimes a good parent might withhold a thing that seems good to the child because they know that they have prepared something better for them. Or they might determine that their child isn’t yet ready for the things they desire.
Although they know the decision was ultimately good, many parents feel saddened at the sight of their disappointed child.
When we’re heartbroken over an unanswered prayer, God is kind and compassionate. He’s not casting judgment on us or looking down upon us because of what we’ve prayed for.
In fact, Jesus invites us to boldly ask God for the things we need (Luke 11:9–10).
Instead of looking down upon us, God is simply inviting us to trust him. Jesus continues by saying,
“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Luke 11:11–14 NIV
Even when we don’t understand what God is doing, we can trust that he is good.
How “Unanswered” Prayers Help Us Grow Spiritually
With God, nothing is wasted. It’s not a waste of breath to ask God for the things we desire. Even when our prayers go seemingly unanswered, so much good still comes from them. Here are a few ways that unanswered prayers can help us grow spiritually.
Unanswered prayers help us trust God with our needs and desires.
We learn to trust God more when our prayers are not answered how we want. Instead of seeing our walk with God in a transactional way, we begin to see it as deeply relational. We learn to bring all of our needs and desires to God—not to control the outcome but because we know that God has the best intentions for us. We can bring our honest desires to him fully ready to trust his plan.
Unanswered prayers help us align our hearts with God’s will.
God is good when he says yes, and he’s good when he says no. Unanswered prayers can help us align our hearts with his will by learning to want what God wants. As we align our hearts with God’s will, we grow in our understanding of how to pray.
Unanswered prayers help us discover the beauty of God’s abundant love for us.
Sometimes, unanswered prayers lead us to feel less assured of God’s love for us. However, if we start with our knowledge of God’s kindness and compassion, we can see that even when our prayers aren’t answered the way we want, God’s abundant love for us remains.
When I looked back on that unanswered prayer from college, I smiled because I now knew that what I desired back then was not good for me. God loved me enough to withhold something I really wanted because, in his perfect wisdom, he knew it would be detrimental for me.
I know that this article has not even scratched the surface of the many types of unanswered prayers we deal with as Christians—some of the desires that we bring to God that go unanswered are good desires. At times, the situation is dire: in the case of a sick loved one, financial hardship, or a natural disaster. Even in the most dire or devastating situation—and even when we walk through hardship and pain—God’s love for us remains.
Keep praying, and don’t be afraid to bring all of your needs and desires to God. He hears us when we pray and he’s working in and through us to accomplish his good purposes in our lives and in the world.
Photo credit: Emilee Carpenter
Shanté is the founder of Daily She Pursues, an online women’s ministry on a mission to help women pursue God’s heart through the study of the Word, cultivating prayer, and walking daily with the Lord. She is currently working on a Master’s Degree in Biblical Studies at Liberty University. Some of her favorite things include tea, journaling, art museums, essential oils, and thrift shopping.
