You know the feeling—the ambiguous text that leaves you wondering if you said something stupid or wrong. Or the email from the boss that asks for a nondescript meeting. Or the social media post of friends from your small group who clearly did something without you. That feeling. The creeping uneasiness that whispers maybe you’re not accepted or wanted. It then grows into the idea that you are not enough somehow—smart enough, funny enough, successful enough, thin enough, and the list goes on. Why does this happen to each and every one of us in some form? Why is the insecurity bait so pervasive in our lives—and what can we do about it?
We are created to be secure. Eden reflected the unbroken connection and communion with God and one another (Genesis 2). We were made for Eden and eternity, and this is neither. We are living in a time of brokenness, where everything is stained with the consequences of sin (John 16:33; Romans 3:23). And while God’s plan is the restoration of all things (Acts 3:21), we will long for the security of our true home until the time when all has been fully redeemed. It’s kind of like when you are on a trip and you just cannot wait to get home to your own bed (or food or people). This feeling of wanting total security is with us every day. Can you sense it in yourself? You just want one day where you don’t second-guess, self-shame, or fantasize that you or your life were somehow different.
In the face of the reality that we live in beauty littered with brokenness, there is some seriously good news. It’s life-changing news, actually. It is that we don’t have to be blown about and bullied by the broken. This means we don’t have to live in fear of the text, the rejection, the betrayal, the hurt, the firing, the failure. We can instead live stable and steadfast. We truly can! Here’s why: The God who made you, gives you breath even now, and sustains your life every day is unchanging and immovable in his character. The Lord who gave you life (Psalm 139), called you by name (Isaiah 43:1), provided everything you need for a godly life (2 Peter 1:4), has covered and paid for all of your sin (Colossians 2:13), and loves you beyond your wildest imagination (1 John 3:1)—this incredible God will never change. He does not waver with our circumstance, behavior, or surroundings (Romans 8:38–39). All throughout Scripture we are told of God’s unchanging nature:
“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?”
Numbers 23:19 ESV
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8 ESV
“For I the LORD do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.”
Malachi 3:6 ESV
“But you remain the same, and your years will never end.”
Psalm 102:27 NIV
God earnestly instructs us throughout the Word to live from his steadfastness. Jesus said the wise man builds his house on the rock (Matthew 7:24). It’s his picture that when we put ourselves fully into God’s truth, we cannot be moved. The psalmists depict for us over and over that God is meant to be the place we run to, find comfort and safety in, and are shielded by (Psalm 18:2 31:3; 71:3). In fact, God’s perspective is meant to be our stronghold. Psalm 27:1 says, “The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” (NIV).
A stronghold is a fortress, a place completely fortified. It’s literally where people run to during tornadoes and hurricanes. When you are being consumed by the hurtful opinions of others, you have a place to hide. When you are being tempted to doubt that you have what it takes to lead the group you’re in charge of, you have a place of strengthening and safety. When you are being misrepresented by former friends, you have a hideaway of love and grace. When you are feeling alone and misunderstood, there is a place where you are completely and utterly known, seen, and delighted in. Your stronghold is the love of God. This is meant to be where we live emotionally and spiritually every single day—hidden in the love and “bigness” of God.
Paul desires this for his friends that he loves so much in Ephesians that he prays they would be “rooted and established” in the love of Christ (3:17 NIV). Do you hear him saying not to be rooted in any other love? The wisdom writer in Proverbs says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe” (29:25 NIV). The prophet Jeremiah foresees how we humans will struggle to live inside the stronghold of God when he says that we will choose “broken cisterns that cannot hold water” over the “spring of living water” that God is (2:13 NIV). He is saying that we will run about trying to get security from all sorts of places instead of the one unending supply we have. Scripture paints the picture that without anchoring ourselves and in the stronghold of God’s perspective of us and our lives, we will be insecure, “blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6 NIV).
We clearly know that people are fickle. You cannot build your life on what others say to you. I had a friend of twenty years tell me I was manipulative and controlling in a text in the same week that I had a different friend of twenty years email me they have seen God in me unlike any other person in their lives. So which voice should I trust? Neither, fully. God’s voice is the only one that will never change. When my friend’s ministry-leading spouse of thirty-four years told her he had been living an abject web of lies and betrayals for thirty of those years, she and her adult children all had to reconcile how even our very DNA and lifetime partners are not strongholds. And how much more unsteady do we become if we put our hope in something like money. Didn’t people lose lifetimes of work and savings in a day during the COVID-19 pandemic? How many churches do you know that have been hit by division or scandal? Even the people who love and serve God are not strongholds. Only God himself will never change, never fail, never stop loving, never blindside, never leave. Only God.
There is only one solution when it comes to insecurity. We can use lots of helps, and affirmations, and encouragement, but the only way to be fully delivered from taking the bait of insecurity is to realize there is only one true stronghold and to place yourself there. It is captured well in Psalm 20:7: “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God” (NIV). So what does it look like to live within the stronghold of God’s truth?
By way of example, I’ve found that our identity is like wrangling a toddler. If you’ve ever been around a little one and tried to get them to stay in one place, you know what this feels like. You sit them in a chair, thinking they are good to stay put, but when you turn your back for even a millisecond to get something out of the cupboard, they are gone. So you track them down and again place them in their chair with the necessary support. You take two steps to the laundry room, and by the time you have retrieved the clothes, that little one is gone again. In this analogy, you can imagine what drew the baby away—shining lights on a screen, running to get the attention of another in the room, something that is more pleasurable or rewarding than staying put. Are you following the comparison?
Like we have covered, our identity is to be rooted and established in the love of God (Ephesians 3:17). We must daily settle our identity upon God’s desire and design of us as his—fully seen and loved for who we are. But before we know it, our identity has run out of the room and is hanging out on social media. Picking it up like we would a wayward toddler, we’ve got to gently place that identity back in the good, right, and safe space for it—squarely within the arms of the Lord’s grace. And often before we realize what is happening, our identity has left home base and jumped into the arms of another—a friend, coworker, acquaintance—and we quickly find ourselves feeling rejected or inadequate. Once again, it’s time to grab that wandering little bugger and place it back in the seat of security—the love and grace of Jesus. This is a process that happens over and over and over in the mature believer’s life. Finding a misplaced hope and placing it back upon the sovereignty of a loving God. Grabbing a misled identity and returning it to the envelopment of joy from a delighting God. Discovering a meandering heart and rehoming it on the immovable, unending peace of God’s perspective of you.
A life free from being ruled by insecurity is one where there is constant return to the stronghold of God. While how that looks is different for each and every one of us, here is a general progression of what fighting insecurity looks like:
- Realize when you are not living inside the stronghold of God—evidenced by your unrest, insecurity, fear, or anxiety)
- Identify what you are trying to get security from.
- Release that false source of security and turn away from it.
- Place your hopes and identity firmly back on the immovable, limitless love of God.
A client of mine developed the practice of repeating, “God is my source, Bethany is not” over and over to combat his tendency to give his wife all power to determine how he felt about himself. Another client wrote down in capital letters at the top of every paper she wrote on, from receipt to thesis, “THERE IS ONLY ONE WHO WILL NEVER CHANGE.” Perhaps you can imagine such a practice for yourself as you get excited about living firmly in the stronghold of God’s affection, provision, and empowerment every day. May meditation on Psalm 46 help you run this very day to your true stronghold like never before:
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”The LORD Almighty is with us;
Psalm 46 NIV
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Photo credit: Jenna Martin
Dr. Tammy Smith is a licensed counselor, mother to 2 married sons, author of 8 books, competitive tennis player, pastor’s wife, and sought-after conference speaker. Her greatest joy is Jesus and getting to share His Truth, but she also loves to laugh, sing, hug, smile, and squeeze the best out of every moment possible. See if she’s coming your way or grab a Truth-filled resource at drtammysmith.com.
