“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.”
Psalm 51:6-12
When we are looking for comfort, the Psalms are a wonderful place to start. Many Psalms are attributed to King David, who might have written them from personal experience. Psalm after Psalm, David pours his heart out to God, often putting to words things we have thought and felt ourselves. My favorite thing about David’s psalms is they are written to God. Moses writes to the Israelites, Paul writes to the Church, and David writes to God. There is something intimate about the way David talks to God, and God seems to talk back.
Early on in our Christian walk, we become excellent at speaking to church members, small groups, disciplers, and even non-believers. We learn the “correct” things to say. I jokingly call this “Christianese,” because it is almost as if Christians have come up with a whole language to discuss ideas. When I first came to faith in Jesus, I heard the phrase “death is defeated.” I remember thinking, “What?” After some time as a practicing Christian, I understood this was referring to Jesus resurrecting from the dead. Now, if I was confiding in a fellow believer about how I’m feeling dead inside, I might quickly add, “But Jesus defeated death, so it’s fine!” The things we are genuinely feeling, and the things we think we are supposed to say as Christians can be at odds with one another. We often try to say the expected answer and tie our thoughts with a nice little Christian bow.
The trap we often run into is this: we think the things God is teaching us are only significant, only authentic if we proclaim them to the world. The more eloquent our speech, the more significant our experiences. We might think things like: “My friends need to know what I’m thinking, or I never really thought it.” “My church needs to know what God is teaching me, or they won’t trust that I’m even talking to God at all.” “I need to say this really well so they think I am very spiritual.” These thoughts can rob us of intimacy with God.
In Psalm 51, God delights in truth in David’s inward being, not in his ability to write it out. God teaches David wisdom in his secret heart, not by having him deliver a sermon. That is an intimacy I yearn for; one that requires nothing of me but to enjoy it. I want God to speak to my inward being, to whisper secrets to my heart. I crave an intimacy, wisdom, and truth that is mine and mine alone—from God to me. Are these moments real if we cannot find the words to share them? Perhaps God has something that is just for you. Do not give it away. Cherish it in your inward being. When Mary laid her baby Jesus down in the manger, she “treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart,” (Luke 2:19). Mary did not go in front of her church and give a three-point speech, subtly painting herself as the hero. She did not write a trendy blog post, thesaurus in hand (guilty). She treasured these things in her heart. God was speaking to her inward being and she considered it treasure. It was so special to her, it belonged in her heart and nowhere else.
James Finley, a clinical psychologist, contemplative Christian, and former monk who studied under the great Thomas Merton, describes these moments of intimacy as “moments of awakening.” In these moments, we are awakened to something about God, something he wants to show us about himself. Finley assures us it is normal when we are unable to reduce these moments to clear thoughts.1 They are deep experiences between us and God. It is okay if we do not have the words to articulate them. We have secrets with the God of the universe; secrets he is speaking straight to our souls! It is comforting news that God does not require us to orate or write our experiences with him, but instead, God is satisfied when we simply treasure these secrets in our hearts. Realizing this frees us up to sit in them, enjoy them, and seek them out for no reason other than to experience intimacy with God. We can let them shape us and form us from within, regardless of whether others understand them.
In Psalm 51, David is lamenting. He asks God to restore the joy of salvation to him. No amount of friendship, pastoral advice, or church praise can do this for us. We can talk and talk and talk, but our salvation is the result of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. The joy of salvation is available to us through a personal relationship with God and no one else. Sharing our experiences is good and healthy, but it cannot give us the joy of salvation David is talking about here. Only precious moments alone with God can do that.
If you are craving precious moments with God, open to one of David’s Psalms. Read it slowly to God. If there is a certain question or praise David writes that resonates with you, repeat it to God as your own. Ask him what he wants to say to you. Meditate on the words. Enjoy his response.
Footnotes:
1 James Finley, Thomas Merton’s Path to The Palace of Nowhere (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 2003), 60.
Photo credit: Jenna Martin
Emma has called Cincinnati home for the last 8 years, but has lived in both Israel and Morocco thanks to her passion for cultures and languages. She currently teaches English as a second language in Northern Kentucky. She loves traveling, reading, learning, and eating cheesecake.
