As the dad of an almost-three-year-old, many of my projects around the house begin with a little voice asking, “Can I help you?” The eager request is paired with a look of excitement. She wants to help. She really wants to help. Does she have the ability to actually be helpful? Sometimes. Does she love her dad and want to be with him whenever he’s home? No doubt. While there are some projects that are too dangerous for my two-and-a-half-year-old to help with, that’s not always true. And to regularly deny her the opportunity to help would be to quench her curiosity, deny her (and I) the joy of our relationship, and discourage her from doing something she was made to do. Parents, invite your kids into your work when you can. They were made for it.
The Creation Mandate
God made our kids to work. I know this because God made all of us to work (Genesis 1:28). In the garden, God uniquely invited us into the work of creation. This mandate was a command to build, write, organize, cultivate, beautify, adorn, and dream into being what did not yet exist. God gave us the raw resources and invited us into this joyful labor. Even after the fall, this creation mandate is not done away with; it just gets more difficult (Genesis 3:17–19). What does this have to do with parenting? Everything! This means work is good. When our kids ask if they can help, they are exhibiting a desire to be with us, yes, but they also are exhibiting a desire to fulfill this creation mandate. Try not to deny them an opportunity to do what God made them to do. Invite them in. Teach them to work. Again, there will be times when the work is too dangerous or the deadline too short. But wherever and whenever possible, say yes. The work may take longer, but just wait until you see their smile.
Prioritize the Relationship
Inviting your kids into your work will slow you down—significantly so—but what if this is the pace needed to build a deeper relationship with your kids? Sure, I could throw my headphones in and shovel the snow from the driveway a lot faster, but I laugh a lot more when my daughter helps me. Does she put more snow on the driveway than she gets off of it? Yep. Does she do that on purpose because she thinks it’s funny? You bet. Is there a chance of losing a screw when she helps me put a piece of furniture together? Big time. But does she joyfully run to tell mom, with dignity in her voice, “Daddy and I built it!” Oh yeah. And it melts my heart. But more than the joy it brings me to hear that, she knows that I want to be with her. She knows that I want her help. She knows that I value her when I say yes. Don’t miss these opportunities. Embrace the delay by embracing your child.
Engage Their Minds
This invitation into work is also important because it fosters the curiosity that our kids show in wanting to learn new things. Remember, we weren’t made to be entertained; we were made to work. Entertainment is fun, but work is purposeful. You would be amazed at what a two-and-a-half-year-old can do with a tool when you teach her how to use it properly. Engage their critical thinking. Empower them to know how to use some basic tools. Let them get their hands in the dirt and get some cuts on their body from learning how to do new things. Pass on what you know. You will have fun watching their little brains work.
Invite Them In
All in all, inviting your kids into the work you’re doing is good for their development, helpful for nurturing your relationship, and enabling them to do what God made them to do. The delay in time is worth the reward. Now, I’m not perfect. I’m writing this because it’s a reminder for me. There are plenty of times I want nothing else but to do the work alone. I have denied my daughter these opportunities to help. These nos were not to protect her from dangerous work but to protect me from the “inefficiencies” of her labor. As I write this, I am sad to have missed those opportunities with her. When my kids are older and out of the house, I don’t want them to remember all the projects Dad did—I want them to remember all the times they did projects with Dad. And so, I say yes to her help.
But you need not wait for them to ask if they can help—you can be the one to invite them in. You can be proactive in fostering a relationship with them through work by asking them to help you with the laundry, dig up weeds, or put away dishes. Whatever the work is, the important part is to actually let them help. Don’t give them a job that plays no part in the work. Show your child you value her by letting her use the screwdriver to put that bolt in place, no matter how painfully slow it may be. Let him scoop the birdseed in the bird feeder, even if more falls on the ground than you would like—the mourning doves and other ground feeders will be grateful for your son’s lack of accuracy.
Kids are not a distraction that gets in the way of work. They are entrusted to our care as full image-bearers of God, that we might participate in their formation into greater Christlikeness. And one of the ways God forms them is through the work that we invite them into. May we teach them the importance of work but also the importance of doing the work together.
*Adapted from an article that first appeared on A Practical Theology.
Photo credit: Jenna Martin
Brad Young (MDiv, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is a husband, a father of two young kids, and a pastor of a church in Cincinnati, OH. He cares about the Christlike formation of God's people and is set on helping others truly know God through developing right theology. He is an avid reader in search of thought-provoking books and writes for his own publication, A Practical Theology.
