As followers of Christ, theological differences—in biblical interpretation, understanding of doctrine, or application of biblical principles—are par for the course, especially as we grow and mature. While they may seem scary on the surface, differences present opportunities for personal growth and cultivate an openness to learning about how God is at work in others’ lives. In this season of my life, some of my closest friends don’t think similarly to me about everything—and that’s okay! I’ve been enriched by their ideas, opinions, and convictions, even if I haven’t come to the same conclusions as them.1
Despite the challenges posed by theological differences, I believe it’s possible to navigate these difficult conversations in a God-honoring way that fosters a posture of listening, humble learning, and openness to God’s work in other believers.
Listen More, Speak Less
James 1:19 instructs us, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” While this command is applicable for any situation in life, it’s especially relevant when navigating differences. In conflict, we’re often tempted to speak more, listen less, and make sure our opinions are heard. What if we did the opposite? What if we sought to listen well and engage in gracious, thoughtful conversation?
Practicing active listening is a helpful way to engage in conversations, especially ones where disagreement is nearly inevitable. Active listening begins with the basics: giving the other person your undivided attention and maintaining good eye contact. After hearing their views and opinions, learn more by asking open-ended questions and paraphrasing what you’ve heard to ensure you’re understanding their point of view correctly. These practices will help you stay focused on the conversation itself, not inserting your opinion at every possible moment. By seeking a genuine understanding of the other person’s point of view, you’re also demonstrating care and respect for them, which will likely lessen conversational tension and make them more willing to hear you out, too.
When you have the chance to respond and share, do so graciously and thoughtfully. Using what you learned by actively listening, seek to draw connections (if any) between your perspective and theirs. When addressing those differences in opinion, focus on the difference itself, not your disagreement with the other person. Attacking the other person or their character will get you nowhere, and it will only make the other person more defensive. When you graciously and thoughtfully engage with areas of disagreement, you’re creating space for further conversation, not animosity over differences.
Know Your Beliefs, Communicate Graciously
However, listening alone is not enough. To engage meaningfully in these conversations, we need to be deeply rooted in what we believe and communicate it graciously.
First Peter 3:15–16 instructs believers, “In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.”
I firmly believe that in order to have good conversations about our theological differences, we need to know what we believe, and know it well. We must be “prepared to make a defense . . . for the hope” that is in us! For many years, I took what I was told about Scripture at face value, never challenging it or really investigating for myself. However, as I’ve had conversations with people who have different interpretations of Scripture or understandings of doctrine and theology, the importance of actually knowing my beliefs and investigating the sources has been reinforced.
Here are a few simple ways to get started:
- Start with Scripture: We know God best by studying the Bible, his holy and inspired Word. Scripture doesn’t exist to support our preconceived notions or views, but to challenge and shape us into greater Christlikeness. Let Scripture be your guide and foundation as you seek to understand your beliefs well. A book I often recommend for learning how to study Scripture in depth is Jen Wilkin’s Women of the Word, as it equips you with the tools and resources necessary to study and exegete Scripture on your own.
- Study the confessions and catechisms: Depending on your theological tradition or church denomination, you’ll likely have a particular confession (Belgic Confession or Westminster Confession of Faith) or catechism (Heidelberg Catechism or Westminster Shorter Catechism) to draw upon. These historic documents concisely summarize what Scripture says about a variety of doctrines and theological questions, such as the Doctrine of the Trinity, the role of the sacraments, and much more. Chad VanDixhoorn’s edited volume Creeds, Confessions, and Catechisms is a helpful, beautiful companion as you dive into these rich historical confessions and catechisms.
- Systematic theology is your friend: As you seek to understand your beliefs, make systematic theology books your friend! They may seem daunting at first, but they are worth your attention (some have been written more recently to make these complex ideas more accessible). The goal of systematic theology is to create a logical, structured framework for understanding Christian doctrines by organizing and analyzing the Bible’s teachings on a particular topic. A good systematic theology book will help you give a more holistic picture of what Scripture says, how it fits together, and why it matters. One book I recommend for a helpful, foundational understanding of some doctrines and theological issues is Every Woman a Theologian by Phylicia Masonheimer, which breaks down core Christian doctrines and beliefs from Reformed, Wesleyan, and Arminian perspectives. This not only helps you know what you believe but also what other traditions and denominations believe.
Pursuing this knowledge of our faith is a lifelong journey, and we all start somewhere! Never stop learning about the Bible, doctrine, and the God you believe in. As you grow in that knowledge, commit to also growing in communication with “gentleness and respect.” This goes back to the first point: listen more, speak less. As you actively listen in conversations, ask the Lord to help you grow in graciousness, gentleness, and respect as you communicate. Speak firmly and with conviction but without arrogance or anger. Never attack the person you’re speaking with, and address areas of difference with a kind tone and clear, concise explanations of where you differ. It’s entirely possible to know what you believe and to communicate those beliefs graciously.
Open to Learning
As you listen, learn, and engage graciously, it’s important to also have an openness to learning. Being open to learning doesn’t mean you will (or should) automatically change your opinions. Rather, openness to learning cultivates humility in recognizing that God works differently in the lives of our fellow believers. Each of us is persuaded differently on a variety of issues and topics, like baptism, childbearing, parenting, missions, and more. Rather than viewing other believers as opponents, we should see them as fellow image bearers who can teach us much about God, the Bible, and the world around us.
Throughout the New Testament, God instructs believers to be mindful of others’ consciences and persuasions (1 Corinthians 8:7–13, 10:23-33; 1 Timothy 1:5, 19; 1 Peter 3:16). The outpouring of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost (Acts 2) not only initiated the global spread of the gospel but also the means of individuals having relationships with God that were no longer mediated by priests and offerings. The continual presence and conviction of the Holy Spirit means each believer is at a different stage in their walk with Christ, their opinions, and persuasions shifting as they study the Bible with attentiveness to the Spirit.
Theological differences can be scary, but it’s possible—and extremely beneficial—to engage with them faithfully, as they offer opportunities for growth in listening, humility, and openness. As brothers and sisters in Christ, let’s commit to navigating our differences well by listening more, speaking less, knowing our beliefs, communicating graciously, and being open to learning from others. Through these differences, we will inevitably learn more about God’s work and character, the Bible, and how the Word speaks to the varied situations of our fellow believers.
Application Questions
- How has a brother or sister in Christ helped reform, shape, or change your view on a particular portion of Scripture or on a theological or doctrinal issue?
- What is one step I can take to be a more active listener, especially in conversation with people I might not agree with?
- What is one theological issue, doctrine, or portion of Scripture I need to do more research on in order to explain my views and perspectives correctly?
Notes
1 The theological differences this article addresses are nonsalvific issues. If you’re encountering differences over salvation-level issues—like the doctrine of the Trinity or the identity and person of Christ—or heresy, please bring a trusted pastor or wise spiritual mentor into the conversation.
Photo credit: Jared Crouse
Leah Jolly is a graduate of Wheaton College where she studied international relations and Spanish. She lives in the Grand Rapids area with her husband, Logan, and is pursuing her MDiv at Calvin Theological Seminary. She attends Harvest OPC in Wyoming, Michigan. You can connect with Leah on Instagram and Substack.
