Growing up, I was always cautioned to choose my friends wisely, as the friends I spent time with would influence my character and the decisions I made. As life seasons have changed and I’ve moved to new places, some friendships have changed (or disappeared entirely), and others have remained consistent, while other times it’s taken a long time to find one good friend. Over time, I’ve looked to Scripture for encouragement and counsel as I’ve prayed for and sought out godly friends, as well as sought to cultivate character that would make me a godly, faithful friend to others. What’re the characteristics and qualities of a godly friend?
Constancy and Faithfulness
One of the most important characteristics of a godly friend is constancy and faithfulness. Proverbs 17:17 reminds us, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Regardless of the situation or season in life, whether easy or filled with trials, a godly friend sticks by your side, thick and thin. Similarly, Proverbs 18:24 explains, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Oftentimes (but not always), having a few friends that are close like siblings is far better than having many shallow friendships. One example of constancy, faithfulness, and sibling-like closeness within friendship is that of David and Jonathan, described in 1 Samuel 18:1-3,
“As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.”
Later in 1 Samuel, we observe the strength of their friendship bond as Jonathan risked his own life in order to protect David (1 Samuel 20) and, recognizing God’s plan for David’s life, willingly gave up his claim to the throne for David’s sake (1 Samuel 23:17), demonstrating his loyalty to David, even at the cost of his own kingship and future. A godly friend is constant, faithful, and loyal, remaining close during hardships and times of joy.
Mutual Encouragement and Strengthening
Another mark of a godly friend is the mutual encouragement and strengthening of each other. Proverbs 17:17 explains, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Godly friendships should be filled with building each other up in Christ and kindly, honestly calling out each other’s weaknesses and sins. Godly friends should graciously point out your sin and propel you to greater Christlikeness. Proverbs 27:6 explains, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” It’s always better that a friend “‘wound” you with their rebuke, instead of an ungodly friend appeasing your conscience by approving of your wrongdoing, solely to mask any emotional damage to you or your friendship. Similarly, godly friendships should be marked by “speaking the truth in love,” even if that truth is hard or painful at times (Ephesians 4:15-16). Godly friends should be able and willing to provide wise advice about your problems, guide you to God-honoring solutions, and point you back to Scripture. A godly friend should be willing to build you up in Christ, call out your weaknesses and sins, and speak the truth in love.
Bearing Each Other’s Burdens
In Galatians 2:2, Paul instructs the Galatian Christians to, “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Similarly, he instructed the church in Rome to, “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Godly friendships are marked by a willingness to bear one another’s burdens, rejoicing with them in happy times and grieving with them in difficult times.
I’ve learned that the most difficult situations in life tend to prove who your true friends are. One of my favorite, personal examples of bearing one another’s burdens was the way one of my closest friends ministered to me when my husband was in the hospital for a week. One night, she and her husband took me out to dinner to give me a break from the hospital. Another afternoon, I came home from work to a bag of my favorite snacks on the front porch. She checked in regularly for updates, reassured me of her prayers, and provided updates on my husband’s progress to our friends. When I was at my lowest, my dear friend helped alleviate some of my burdens by showing up in little ways, by praying, reminding me to eat, and helping me recall that I’m not alone.
Godly friendships should be marked by a delight in bearing one another’s burdens, remaining faithful in good and difficult times.
Growing in Christ
While no friend is perfect, they should yet be marked by a commitment and desire to grow in the knowledge of Christ and progress in sanctification. A godly friend should be marked by the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and a passion for honoring God. This involves—but is not limited to—wise speech (Proverbs 25:20), good stewardship of resources (Ephesians 5:15-16), diligence in their work (Colossians 3:17), love for others (John 13:34-35), patience in relationships (Colossians 3:12-13), and an ongoing faithfulness to God and people. Ongoing growth in Christ will continue to compel a godly friend to constancy, faithfulness, encouragement, and bearing burdens of others.
Reminders about Godly Friendships
Regardless of your age or stage in life, it’s crucial to remember three things about finding and maintaining godly friendships:
First, just as you search for a godly, committed friend who exhibits constancy, faithfulness, encouragement, bearing burdens, and growth in Christ, you should similarly be committed to exhibiting those same characteristics in return. You cannot simply pursue a godly friend and not be pursuing godliness yourself! With God’s help, commit to ongoing growth and maturity in Christ so you can be the friend you’re looking for to others.
Second, choose your friends wisely, as your friends will shape the person you become! While this is especially true of children and teenagers, it still applies in adult friendships, too. Choose friends that will encourage you to make wise choices and promote your ongoing growth in Christ. Friends that pull you away from Christ and push you to make wrong choices are not worth keeping in your company.
Third and finally, remember that friendships are always reciprocal! You cannot expect someone to invest and pour into you without investing and pouring into them in return. Friendships are never a one-way street—they demand effort from both parties! Friendships take time, energy and effort, but are well worth it when you find friends that exhibit godly constancy, faithfulness, encouragement, willingness to bear each other’s burdens, and a delight in growing in Christ.
Reflection Questions
- Do you / your friends exhibit godly constancy and faithfulness?
- Do you / your friends encourage, strengthen and call you out on wrongdoing?
- Do you / your friends regularly bear each other’s burdens, in joy and trial?
- Are you / your friends growing in godliness and compelling each other to pursue sanctification?
- Are you regularly cultivating and exhibiting the same characteristics you expect in a godly friend?
- Based on the marks of a godly friend, do you need to make any adjustments in your own Christian walk or in the friends you choose?
- If making friends is difficult in your current season, what opportunities are available to you to meet new people and make friends?
Photo Credit: Michael Marcagi
Leah Jolly is a graduate of Wheaton College where she studied international relations and Spanish. She lives in the Grand Rapids area with her husband, Logan, and is pursuing her MDiv at Calvin Theological Seminary. She attends Harvest OPC in Wyoming, Michigan. You can connect with Leah on Instagram and Substack.
