When you encounter angry, hostile people, how do you respond? Are you the type to jump in and respond with equal anger and vigor? Do you stay still and, like a child, hope that the monster won’t see you as long as you don’t make any sudden movements? I’ll be honest, I fall into the latter camp. I’m not too fond of confrontation, but I’ll do it if necessary. If I could wave a magic wand and make one wish, it’d be that I never have to experience confrontation for the rest of my life.
Several years ago, I experienced an intense group confrontation during a Sunday afternoon meeting in a large middle school auditorium. A row of people I loved and trusted sat on a stage in front of me. They may not have been perfect, but I had witnessed them faithfully serve this community for almost a decade. With me in the audience were several hundred friends and fellow believers whom I also admired. After the mysterious departure of a staff member, those on stage bravely called together this meeting to publicly address questions and comments.
I’ve never walked into a more hostile situation. The atmosphere in the room was heavy with tension. The anger and hurt were palpable for both parties, and we hadn’t even begun the meeting. If you weren’t familiar with the building and the faces, you would’ve never known this was a church family. It felt more like an inquisition than a gathering of believers.
Rumors had been circulating for weeks, and clearing the air had become necessary. I hoped this meeting would bring wisdom and clarify misunderstandings that had spread in the congregation. I quickly realized that my tiny seed of hope would never develop past being just a seed.
I sat in shock, listening to people I previously looked up to hurl personal insults whitewashed as “concerns” at the leaders in front of me. They threw around words such as “liars” and “traitors” like grenades as the victims’ spouses, parents, and children watched helplessly from the audience. The shock pushed me into complete silence.
I knew the things I heard about their character were wrong, yet I sat there like a statue, unable to raise my hand and produce a necessary rebuke to those casting grievous insults at the people in front of me. We could’ve addressed concerns without throwing mud. As a family of believers in Jesus Christ, we have a model for being kind, loving, and honest simultaneously. Yet, some of the Christians I listened to from the congregation were as far from that as humanly possible. Paul tells us, “If I speak human or angelic tongues but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1).
I’ve never seen so many “noisy gongs” and “clanging cymbals” in one room.
Staying silent on this day is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
Certain clichés such as “silence is golden,” “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” or “actions speak louder than words” have left an indelible mark on my brain. This Sunday afternoon wasn’t the first time I’ve used these phrases to justify keeping my mouth shut under challenging situations. In some cases, it’s been helpful to practice discretion and silence. When I was younger, I was the type of person who’d voice every thought that popped into my head. I was an open book with almost everyone I met. That caused significant problems in my early twenties for myself and those around me. So, I began to retreat and keep much more to myself than I let out in the open. Like the typical pendulum analogy, I’m starting to realize I’ve swung a little too far in the opposite direction.
Beyond the clichés, I felt I had biblical grounds for staying silent. After all, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, because they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). To our modern ears, it’s easy to think of a “peacemaker” as someone who keeps the peace. In other words, they keep their mouths shut to maintain harmony in relationships.
I realized I completely misunderstood this concept after listening to a recent Bible Project podcast.1 The Greek word in this verse translated as “peacemaker” is often interpreted passively; a better understanding of the concept according to the Bible Project might be a “peace doer.” Someone who gets into a conflict, makes peace, and brings harmony. It’s an active call, not a passive one. This action of being a “peace doer” is what Jesus practiced. He faced the Pharisees and other Jewish leaders. He got into their debates, and he wrestled with their questions. As he did it, he sought to bring God’s kingdom to a chaotic world.
But why are we so often silent when God wants us to speak? If we’re honest, I believe it’s fear that drives us to silence. We’re afraid of reactions. We’re so scared of being disliked or hated. I remember in that auditorium I felt fear and let it dictate my actions instead of God’s Spirit.
Before Jesus sent out his disciples on their first missionary journey, he spoke to them about fear. He said,
“Therefore, don’t be afraid of them, since there is nothing covered that won’t be uncovered and nothing hidden that won’t be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the light. What you hear in a whisper, proclaim on the housetops.”
Matthew 10:26-27
Jesus has given us a message. He has something for us to say. He speaks to us when we spend time alone with him in the morning or evening. When we saturate our minds with the Scriptures, we see the world like he does. We shouldn’t be fearful. Jesus calls us to repeat what he says to us out loud in the light and public spaces! God wants to work with and through us to bring reconciliation to the world. That often means having awkward and painful conversations with people we don’t get along with. When you feel the fear creep up and you want to escape the monster in front of you and be silent, remember what Jesus said to his disciples after he told them to speak boldly:
“Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. But even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So don’t be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.”
Matthew 10:29-30
Your Father loves you, and he knows you. He will be with you with every truthful word you speak.
Footnotes:
1 Tim Mackie and Jon Collins, “What Does it Mean to Make Peace?” published February 12th, 2024 in The Bible Project Podcast, 44:10, https://bibleproject.com/podcast/what-does-it-mean-make-peace-beatitudes-pt-4/.
Photo credit: Michael Marcagi
Amanda is a professional cellist and writer living in sunny California. She has three beautiful kids and is blessed to be married to her best friend. You can find her most days chauffeuring her kids around town, meeting with friends for coffee, or visiting her favorite place: the beach.
