When God Doesn’t Heal Your Depression

I grew up in a family that believed in praying problems away.

Have a cold? Pray about it.

Your boyfriend left you? Pray about it.

Broken femur? Go to the hospital, but then pray about it.

Mental health was the same way. If you were struggling with mental health, you prayed about it, dealt with it, and eventually got through it.

So that’s what I tried to do when I started feeling depressed. 

I prayed.

I prayed hard.

I prayed for healing.

And it didn’t come.

So, I prayed more.

I prayed harder.

I prayed for more healing.

And it still didn’t come.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed for God to hear me. To see me. To provide relief. To just let me know that he was there, that he cared, and that he would help me and take the pain away from me.

But for all my praying, nothing changed. I was still depressed. And I still heard nothing.

Where was God? Why wasn’t he speaking? Why wasn’t he moving?

I felt like I was doing all the right things. I was praying and opening my Bible; I was going to church and only listening to worship music. I filled up journal after journal with prayers and pleas to the Lord. My mirrors were covered in Scripture scribbled out in Expo^® Marker. I was trying to shut out the rest of the world so I could hear his voice, but he was still silent.

Still, I kept trying. I felt like my prayers became more desperate because I wanted to believe they would be answered. I tried to hold onto faith that I would receive healing.

But in the silence, I felt like God was asking me to have faith in not receiving healing.

He was asking me to accept that this trial would not be taken from me. He was asking me to accept that this cup would not pass from me. He was asking me to accept that my depression was to be my thorn.

In 2 Corinthians 12, the Apostle Paul pleads with God to remove the thorn from his flesh. He says, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me” (2 Corinthians 12: 8). And how did the Lord respond? He said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, emphasis mine). This may seem like a roundabout way of saying “no,” but maybe we need to reframe that thought. Maybe God isn’t saying, “No, I will not take this from you,” but rather is saying, “Trust that it is finished.” 

Believing that it is finished feels a bit easier said than done when you’re in the thick of it. But God doesn’t just leave us there. He doesn’t abandon us with our thorns as we lay hurting, bruised, and bleeding.

While we may never fully understand why we have depression or what caused it, we know who we can turn to. There could be a lot of different explanations—chemical imbalances, trauma, genetics, or just the general wear and tear that life can cause on your spirit. But as we turn to God in the midst of depression, may we be reminded of the God who promises to be near to brokenhearted, even when he feels far away (Psalm 34:18). May we be reminded of the God who keeps count of our tossing and collects our tears (Psalm 56:8). May we be reminded of our Savior who wept and cried and fell facedown before the Father, begging for reprieve—a Savior who deeply and intimately understands our pain (Matthew 26:39). May we be reminded of the Spirit—who loving intercedes on our behalf—lifting our prayers to heaven when we find ourselves voiceless.

Remember that there is hope when you are walking through seasons of depression, when you feel alone, and when you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. God will lift the darkness because he is the God of Light. In his infinite goodness, God has provided pathways to help and pathways to hope. Whether it be through his Word, through worship, through prayer, through counseling, through medicine, through community, through rest, or through a combination of these things. God uses his Word to guide us to the truth when we are consumed by lies that pull us away from him. He uses worship to soften our hearts towards him and posture us towards praise. He uses prayers to foster intimacy with him and bring us closer to him. God uses those who have studied the mind and medicine to bring clarity and healing to biological and chemical pathways that we may not understand. He provides community to help lift us up and point us back to him when things get too hard. And, God uses rest to provide us renewal and restoration to get back up when we feel defeated.

He will work in and through all these things to provide healing. And while that thorn may remain for now, we can have confidence that we will receive total and complete healing.

And that is a reason to hope. A reason to praise. A reason to fight through the yuck and the muck and the messy. It may not cure us or “fix” our depression, but it will provide a life raft when the waves threaten to overwhelm, a shelter in the worst of storms, and a source of light in the darkest of nights.

I still struggle with depression, and I likely always will, but God’s Word assures me that this is not the end of my story. It is not the source of my identity. I know that he is fighting with me, for me, and alongside me. I know that my identity is found in him. And I know that my day of healing is coming, whether now or in heaven. And that is a beautiful hope to hold on to.

Questions for Reflection 

1. What is your thorn—that one thing that you have prayed for God to remove, or to move in? It may not be mental health, but may be a physical illness, unemployment, infertility, loneliness, etc.
2. How have you previously responded when God hasn’t removed that thorn? 
3. What would you like your response to look like now? What steps can you take to respond the way you would like to?

A Note from the Editor

While some of you may resonate with these stories and experiences, we understand that no two stories are the same. Our enemy is cunning and knows exactly which lies to whisper in our ear to pull us back into isolation and depression. The Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12), and we encourage you to wield it as a sword against the lies of the enemy—but don’t do it alone. There are times when we are so weary from battling the lies of the enemy that we don’t have the strength to stand. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” Find friends and community who will speak God’s truth to you and over you. You are not alone in this fight.

In his infinite wisdom, God has chosen to work through ordinary people to accomplish his eternal purposes for our good and his glory. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I mentioned Ecclesiastes 4:9 earlier; the very next verse says, “Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Too often, we wait until we have fallen and have no one to lift us up before we seek help. God can work through organizations and resources like these to provide you with the tools and friends you need to ensure you have help when you need it. And if we can pray with you and for you, we would love to do so. You can submit your prayer request here. If you need to speak with someone immediately, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Photo credit: Michael Marcagi

Kayla Carthel

Kayla Carthel is a dog mom, future counselor, lover of all iced coffees, and devoted daughter of God. You can typically find her twirling in flowy dresses, listening to true crime documentaries, belting the Hamilton soundtrack, and redecorating the house for the millionth time (much to the consternation of her husband).

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