Another day? you wonder as you hit snooze on your alarm and stumble into your kitchen to make your morning cup of coffee. As you wait for your coffee to brew, the all-too-familiar feelings of sadness and discontentment creep in. Another day of loneliness, another day of unemployment, another day of chronic pain, another day of tension with your spouse, or another day at a job you hate. Coffee in hand, you make your way to your couch and grab your phone—an escape of peace and calm before the day begins.
As you sit and scroll, you daydream about a different, happier life—one where sadness and discontentment no longer exist. Pictures of tight-knit friend groups, perfect children, and happy couples appear one after another and make you feel jealous—angry even—that you don’t have those relationships, too. Life does not seem to look like your Pinterest dream board: a dream job, beautiful home, manicured lawn, and “perfect” family.
The rise in social media, influencers, and the idolization of a problem-free, “perfect” life has heightened the discontentment many of us experience on a regular basis.1 The situations of our lives and the war of comparison that’s waged in our minds can (and does!) make us miserable. How will we escape discontentment when the world and our minds are continually at war, trying to prevent us from pursuing contentment?
Christian, there is hope and grace for you. In a world full of influencers and Pinterest-perfect lives, we don’t need more self-help books or podcasts. Instead, we need the grace of God offered to us in the gospel. It is only by his grace and help that we can approach discontentment faithfully and confidently.
Godly Grief in Discontentment
When we face circumstances of discontentment, our natural inclination is to feel grief, sadness, anger, and depression—and that is normal! God made us emotional creatures so we might fully experience life in his world—both the joys and the sorrows. As Solomon remarked, there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
In Scripture, we see examples of godly grief that honors God yet acknowledges the difficulty and brokenness of our current circumstance. In Genesis, we see that humanity’s sins “grieved [God] to his heart” (Genesis 6:6). When the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt, they “groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help” (Exodus 2:23). When King David learned of the death of his beloved friend, Jonathan, he “took hold of his clothes and tore them” (2 Samuel 1:11). When David’s son, Absalom, was killed in battle, he was “deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept” (2 Samuel 18:31-33). Job lost everything he had, yet he “did not sin or charge God with wrong” (Job 1:22). The Psalms are full of David’s laments, pleading for God’s mercy and deliverance in trying circumstances.2 Even Jesus, as he hung dying on the cross, cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Psalm 22:1).
In each of these examples, we observe that God hears and welcomes the cries of the brokenhearted. Our God welcomes our seasons of weeping and mourning! Godly grief involves casting your cares before God’s throne, but also embracing the situation you are in and seeking to honor him in the midst of it.
“Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped for. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.“3
John Piper
Avoiding Idolatry in Pursuit of Godly Contentment
Even as we grieve, the world around us tells us that perfect contentment with our possessions and circumstances is the goal. The moment a grief or problem disappears, the world pressures us to achieve more, do more, be more. Contentment is an idol to be avoided, not chased. How do we avoid idolizing contentment, even as we pursue it in the midst of grief?
First, we must lessen the voices of self-help “gurus” and influencers. Social media has brought many self-proclaimed self-help “gurus” to the forefront of society. Influencers such as Rachel Hollis, Glennon Doyle, and Brené Brown claim to have the tips, tricks, and hacks to achieve the life of your dreams. While some of the advice from these influencers is not inherently bad, it can quickly become an idol, consuming your time, energy, and money. Instead of seeing discontentment as an avenue to see God at work and grow in sanctification, you begin to see your disappointing circumstances as problems to eradicate or gloss over so you can continue to become your “best self.” In order to avoid idolatry, the voices of external self-help gurus and influencers must be quieted. But silencing external voices isn’t enough; we have internal work to do as well.
Second, we must trust in God’s constant provision. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus describes the war our hearts wage for contentment, satisfaction, and peace in our circumstances. He remarks, “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? . . . if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” (Matthew 6:26, 30).
Friend, I know how difficult it is to trust in God’s provision. I spent many nights tossing and turning, wondering if my meager savings could cover my husband’s next medical bill. I sat in a hospital for almost six days, begging God to heal my husband, who had lost over forty pounds in less than three weeks, and barely had any strength left to stand and walk. I have spent many days working jobs I hated and spent Friday nights alone, battling the war of comparison in my mind. Dear friend, cling to trust in God’s provision, even if it is the only thing you have left to cling to. He will not let you down.
Third, we must learn contentment in all circumstances. In Philippians 4, Paul instructs the Church to have contentment in all circumstances. He remarks, “For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:11-13).
It is possible that the current source of your discontentment is part of God’s perfect plan for your life. It’s possible God may never relieve your chronic pain, alleviate conflict in your family, or permit you to have biological children. It’s possible God has called you to singleness or a job you aren’t content with. I don’t know your future—only God does—but I know learning contentment will help you live faithfully in the midst of discontentment. God has not promised temporary, fleeting presence. Instead, he promises he will “never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5) and his mercies will “never come to an end” (Lamentations 3:22-23)!
When we lessen the voices of self-help gurus and influencers, and instead cultivate trust in God’s provision and pursue contentment in all circumstances, our minds will be trained to pursue God’s grace instead of the idol of perfection, even as we grieve and lament the circumstances causing our discontentment.
Living Faithfully in Discontentment
In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control—that should mark the life of the believer. Friend, if you are in Christ, part of faithful living involves patience. Patience in God’s timing and plan, even though you can’t see the full picture. Patience in God’s answers to prayer and change in your circumstances.
Oftentimes, in circumstances of discontentment, God prompts us to act! Even as you wait patiently on God, he did not create you to live passively. God created you with unique passions, goals, and talents, and he can (and does!) use situations of discontentment to help you discern and pursue his calling on your life. The job you dislike now may be the instrument God uses to help you discern his calling on your career. The chronic pain you wrestle with daily might be the vessel God uses to proclaim the gospel to others. The trauma, broken relationships, or loneliness you experience may be the tool God uses to bring you into a community of restoration and healing.
All of the nights I tossed and turned over our finances and my husband’s medical bills were eventually answered by abundant financial provision. All of the prayers I prayed from a hospital chair were answered. My husband eventually received a diagnosis, treatment plan, and a path forward. He is healthy, thriving, and living abundantly. God didn’t have to heal my husband or restore him to me, yet he did. My husband’s healing is a living testimony that reminds me that the circumstances of my discontentment are often the vessels God uses to grow my confidence in his provision, teach me contentment and patience, and cause me to act in trust.
Friend, God can (and will!) employ your situations of discontentment, grief, and lament to draw you closer to himself, cultivate patience in you, and call you to action. As each new day dawns, remember that he has been faithful in the past, and he will not “leave you or forsake you” now (Hebrews 13:5).
Reflection Questions
Over the next five days, read the following passages about grief, idolatry, trust, contentment, and action, and answer the accompanying questions. Pray to God for comfort and sustenance, even as you seek his will in the midst of discontentment.
- Day 1: Read Lamentations 3. Who (or what) does the author of Lamentations credit for his suffering? What promises of God does the author acknowledge? What pleas does the author bring before God regarding his suffering?
- Day 2: Read Colossians 3:1-6. Read verse 5 again, more closely. What “earthly” sins does Paul specifically list? What are some practical steps you can take to “seek the things that are above,” rather than pursuing idols?
- Day 3: Read Psalm 118. In what circumstances (according to the Psalm) did God deliver his people from trials? What verse in this Psalm helped reorient your heart to trust in God’s deliverance?
- Day 4: ReadHebrews 13:5-6. What does the author of Hebrews say is the antidote (the cure) to the love of money? How does God’s promise to “never leave you or forsake you” strengthen your faith and pursuit of contentment?
- Day 5: Read 1 Peter 1:13-21. What action steps and instructions does Peter give to us as we “prepare our minds for action”? How does the death of Christ (v. 18-19) bring significance to our lives, trials, and actions?
Footnotes
1 Daisy Yuhas, “Why Social Media Makes People Unhappy—And Simple Ways to Fix It,” Published on June 20, 2022. Scientific American: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-social-media-makes-people-unhappy-and-simple-ways-to-fix-it/ (Accessed December 21, 2022).
2 Mark Vroegop, “How Lament is a Path to Praise,” Songtime, https://www.songtime.com/how-lament-is-a-path-to-praise-by-mark-vroegop/ (Accessed December 21, 2022).
3 John Piper, “Embrace the Life God has Given You,” YouTube video, 2:34, Published March 10, 2017. Desiring God: https://www.desiringgod.org/embrace-the-life-god-has-given-you (Accessed December 21, 2022).
Photo credit: Sarah Brossart
Leah Jolly is a graduate of Wheaton College where she studied international relations and Spanish. She lives in the Grand Rapids area with her husband, Logan, and is pursuing her MDiv at Calvin Theological Seminary. She attends Harvest OPC in Wyoming, Michigan. You can connect with Leah on Instagram and Substack.
