What do you do when life doesn’t go as you planned, hoped, or dreamed?
When the doctor says, “I’m sorry. There’s no heartbeat.”
When the job search takes months—or years—longer than you anticipated.
When the rejection letter comes and you didn’t get into your dream school.
When the divorce papers are signed and your bank account is empty.
How do you respond?
Life in a sinful, fallen world means that people will fail us, our plans will fall apart, and the hopes and dreams we held dear will be crushed. As followers of Christ, we are not immune to the tensions, griefs, and pains we experience when life doesn’t go as planned. However, we can navigate disappointment with a posture of trust and surrender, even in the midst of the grief of crushed hopes and ruined plans.
Your Grief and Lament Is Welcome
In my experience of the church, it’s common for disappointment and grief to be met with statements such as, “God is sovereign, you just need to trust him!” While I don’t deny the truthfulness of that statement—God is sovereign and trustworthy—it is often used to bypass the valid grief and lament of God’s people. Far too often, grief and lament are treated as if they’re incompatible with faith and trust in God, when in reality, they are part of the full expression of the believer’s trust in God. Want examples of godly grief and lament? Look at the Psalms!
I have always loved the simple honesty of the lament in Psalm 137: “By the waters of Babylon, there we sat down and wept, when we remembered Zion. . . . How shall we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?” (Psalm 137:1, 4 ESV). In this short, simple Psalm, God’s people express their longing to be returned to Jerusalem and their desire to see their enemies punished for wrongdoings, including the brutal destruction of young children.
The words of Psalm 77 are also an expression of grief and lament, mingled with declarations of trust in God: “Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion? . . . I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old” (Psalm 77:9, 11). In this psalm of lament, God’s people grieve the various hardships and trials of life, while also committing themselves to remember God’s work on their behalf in the past.
When life is hard, your plans are falling apart, and you don’t have the words to say, look to the Psalms! Your grief and lament are not expressions of distrust in God’s sovereignty—they are natural, common reactions to the difficulties and losses of life, and they are something that God welcomes. Even as you lament and grieve, let that also move you to remember God’s goodness and faithfulness in the past. Reminding yourself of God’s past goodness can often serve as an encouragement to trust God—even if it’s a small, faltering trust—in the present.
God Is Not Against You
On many occasions, I’ve observed many believers interpret the lost plans, hopes, and dreams of life as evidence that God is “against” them in some way. I’ve done it too. Dear friend, I want you to know that God is not against you! If you are God’s beloved child, his plans for you are for your good, he is on your side, and he is not against you, even if it may not feel that way at this moment.
If you’re walking through the grief of failed plans, lost dreams, and shattered hopes, I hope the following verses are a comfort and encouragement to you:
- “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:8–11)
- “Out of my distress I called on the LORD the LORD answered me and set me free. The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:5–6)
- “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. . . . I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” (Jeremiah 29:11, 14)
- “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31–32)
These verses are just a few examples—out of so many—that demonstrate that God is not against you.
You Will Get Through This
You will get through this. While that statement may feel pithy or Pinterest-like, it’s true. You will get through this. Even as you grieve and lament shattered hopes and navigate the very real feeling that God is against you, know that your life is not over and God has not abandoned you. In fact, he promises to come alongside you, to uphold and sustain you.
Once again, the Psalms are filled with reminders of God’s sustaining presence:
- “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.” (Psalm 3:5)
- “For the arms of the wicked shall be broken, but the LORD upholds the righteous.” (Psalm 37:17)
- “Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.” (Psalm 54:4)
- “Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)
- “The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.” (Psalm 145:14)
Each day will bring new mercies (Lamentations 3:22–23), and God will sustain you as you navigate another day.
For those who have heard the words, “I’m sorry. There’s no heartbeat,” the grief of losing that baby will never go away fully, but the waves of grief will never overwhelm you completely (Isaiah 43:1–2). You will get through this.
For those who have spent years searching for employment, the feeling of God’s abandonment may eventually be replaced with the deep joy and satisfaction of work. You will get through this.
For those who have experienced rejection from dream schools or a promising career, the grief of that shattered hope is real, but it may be surpassed by the deep joy of attending a school or experiencing a career far better than your wildest dreams. You will get through this.
For those who have experienced a broken marriage, the pain of signing divorce papers, and the reality of an empty bank account, the late-night laments will not last forever. God will provide all you need. You will get through this.
Life in a sinful, fallen world means that people will fail us, our plans will fall apart, and the hopes and dreams we once held dear will be crushed. In the midst of this, we can trust that God welcomes our grief and lament, is not against us, and promises to uphold and sustain us, because, with his help, we will get through this.
Application Questions
- Even as you reflect on the lost hopes, plans, and dreams, what is one evidence that you will get through this?
- Think about a time—past or present—when life didn’t go as planned. What was that situation like? What were some of the dominant emotions you experienced?
- How did you grieve or lament that situation? Take a moment to read a few psalms of lament. How do these words from Scripture help put a voice to your grief? Consider writing your own psalm of lament.
- What verse can you bring to mind (or even commit to memory now) when you feel like God has abandoned you? How can this verse bring you comfort and hope?
Photo credit: Jaymi Nichole
Leah Jolly is a theologian and writer with a Master of Divinity from Calvin Theological Seminary, where she is now pursuing a Master of Theology in Systematic Theology. Her writing has been featured by The Gospel Coalition, Hosanna Revival, andCore Christianity, covering Reformed theology, adoption, spiritual disciplines, and the application of Scripture to everyday life. She's passionate about helping others see the beauty of Scripture and the goodness of the gospel. You can connect with Leah on Instagram and Substack.
